NOT BEING WRITTEN ANYMORE!
by in the hallway with jeans
Summary: Leah Clearwater is dealing with Reality. A reality she isnt very fond of.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm sorry Leah, he's still not here. Were all worried dear, I'm sure he'll come home soon, just keep your fingers crossed, and wish on all those beautiful stars in the sky." Jane Uley spoke softly into the phone, calming Leah down for the millionth time. Her rage was washed out, and replaced with disappointment. She slumped back into the bar stool and caved her shoulders in.

"Thank you Mrs. Uley. I know I'm a lot to put up with. Please call me when you get some news."

"I will dear. Have a good night. Remember what I said about those stars." Mrs. Uley softly laughed into the phone, echoing through Leah's ears. She could hear the tint of worry and hurt in her boyfriend's mothers voice.

Leah hit the end button on the phone, and put her elbows on the table, bowing her head, feeling like she needed to cry, but no tears came. Her chest felt heavy, breathing became hard. Her breath came in short gasps. Was she having a panic attack? She tried to tell herself to calmly inhale and exhale, but it was hard, her head felt light and dizzy. Suddenly her mom was there.

"Sweet heart! Leah, honey, I need you to breath. Come on." Sue placed her hand on Leah's back, feeling her ribs expand and contract too quickly. She placed her other hand below Leah's neck. "Seth!" Sue called out. Minutes later, Seth strolled down the stairs, his hair knotted, circles under his eyes. His chest was bare, and he had on baggy pajamas. His eyes brightened, and he snapped to attention when he saw the scene in front of him.

"Get a glass of water." Sue snapped. Seth raced as fast as his sleep ridden body could go. He filled up a glass and ran to the counter, spilling along the way. Sue guided the glass to Leah's mouth. She tried drinking it, but it kept spilling out somewhere around her moth. Through the sides of her lips, her bottom lips, or coughing it up when she tried swallowing and then breathed too quickly.

Leah's breaths slowed, and moisture rimmed her eyes, pooling, but not yet falling. Sue told Seth he could go back upstairs, finish sleeping, he had to help his father in the morning. Leah was coughing up a storm, fluids pooling on the counter that had come from her mouth. Some of the tears had started to spill out. Her head was pounding, it hurt almost as much as her heart.

An hour later, Leah was sitting on her bed in ratty pajamas and an old t-shirt of Sam's he'd left here when they first started dating. She loved it more than anything, it was her favorite thing to wear to bed. It smelled like him, and she missed his distinct smell, the one only Sam had. Tonight, tonight she needed that smell, she needed the reminder that Sam was real, and alive, and coming back.

Leah lay down in her bed, the sheet forming over her sides, caressing her body. She rested her head on the pillow, forming herself to the right side of the bed, like she had been since Sam started sleeping over.

The sounds of nightfall rang out her window, and the sound of Seth snoring three doors down. Leah fell asleep to the sounds she had since she was born, the only thing missing was the body next to her, a body she wondered if she would ever see again, despite all she hoped, despite all she wished. He just had to come home…he had too.

**So, I realized that my writing had changed, the newer chapters I had just sounded different than the rest, so I decided to spend the extra time re-writing the story. I didn't like the way it was planned out, or the way nothing flowed together. **

**Thanks for reading this you guys! I appreciate it! Review if you haven't. I don't think you can review the newer chapter if you already reviewed the other one. If you feel you want to review but can't, you can Private Message me on my profile. I love it all. Thank You again! **


	2. Chapter 2

I was going to go give Emily a hug when Sam ran out the door. I ran after him, he was not leaving me again.

" Leah, go away, I need to be alone for a little while!" Sam yelled at me. He was not going to be left alone, not after I just got him back, and now that Emily was here. They were going to be great friends, she is going to be my maid of honor at my wedding!

" Hell no! Sam, what is going on? You scaring me!" He was scaring me, why is he acting so weird, does he not like Emily?

" I love her Leah, your cousin, I'm sorry, I can't see you anymore." Sam looked like he was in pain.

What was he saying? He didn't love me anymore, he didn't want to be with me anymore. Then I realized what he actually said.

"WHAT! You love Emily! After meeting her for 30 seconds you love her! What the hell Sam." I yelled at him, I don't get it.

"Please calm down Le. It's something I can't really explain, I'm not allowed to explain." He expected me to calm down. I wanted to scream!

" NO SAM I WILL NOT CALM DOWM. YOUR TELLING ME YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE, YOU LOVE MY COUSIN WHO YOU MEET FOR 30 SECONDS, AND YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHY. TELL ME WHY I SHOULD BE CALM!" I was no longer dying, I was all furious.

"Because I'm sorry." He finally looked up at me, he looked like a dying man. He was obviously in pain, but I really didn't care.

" No, You don't get to be sorry Sam. Go. To. Hell." Tears were streaming down my face. I ran inside and left Sam outside.

I turned to Emily. "Leave right now! Get out, and never come back!" I shrieked at her.

I ran as fast as I could up the stairs and into my bedroom. I barricaded the door with my dresses and turned on my T.V. full blast. A bang came from my open window. Emily was climbing through the window. Did she not get that I hate her so deeply?

"Get out!" I shrieked from behind all my tears.

"What happened? What did I do?" she sounded so innocent, It made me want to smack her even more.

"Sam left me, and it's your fault." I sat up to look at her. I had tears pouring down my face. " Happy now? Now get out before I start throwing things, and heavy thing will be sure to come first." I laid back down on my bed and turned away from her. She got the message and started to climb back out the window, but not before Sam started to climb in.

He noticed Emily, "Hi Emily." He said, Gag me with a spoon!

"Hi Sam!" Emily sounded like a stupid blonde schoolgirl. I warned her about the getting out didn't I?

"Oh God! Get the hell out both of you" I sat up again and faced them." I thought you loved me Sam! Not more than 5 minutes ago you told me that you loved me more than anything in the whole world, and you always would! You are suck a lying-" I was cut off again! Emily shifted trying to get out of the window. I turned my focus on her. "I thought you were my cousin. We're like sisters, well I guess I should say Were. That's really low. You must be a pretty bad person to do something like that to someone you loved, and loved you. Wow Emily, Way to go." I started to sarcastically clap my hand when Sam spoke up.

"Hey! This isn't her fault!"

" Sam to the rescue!" I turned on him and the tears started flowing as I realized he was sticking up for Emily not me, and that was how it always was going to be. "GET. OUT. NOW." I stood up and glared at both of them. Neither of them moved.

" I'm sorry" They said at the same time. I saw a smile hinting at the end of Sam's lips. The tears were coming down harder and harder. I threw whatever was closest at them and started shouting. They dodged whatever it was I threw at that them. I started to advance towards them and throwing more things.

Once they were both out of my room I slammed my window shut and fell to the floor. I was drowning in my tears. It felt like m heart was being pulled in different directions and being cut with sharp scissors. I curled up into a ball and let the darkness have me.

I spent the next couple of days in my room. I didn't eat, I didn't even sleep. The only time I moved from my dark corner. I hadn't stopped crying the whole time. Tears silently ran down my cheeks, and when I replayed the look Sam gave Emily when I insulted her. He had a look of pain, and protection. He was defending her, against me. Yet again, that was the way it always would be. My silent tears became loud sobs. I knew everyone was gone, it was Saturday. My dad would be fishing with Charlie Swan and Billy Black. My mom would be grocery shopping and hanging out by herself for the day and Seth would be over at Jacob's or over at the beach being a dork. I got up and strode downstairs. I opened the door of my room to find Seth sitting across the hall against the floor he had just gone to sleep( he hadn't started snoring yet) and his eyes were puffy. I was making him cry, I was putting my familythrough pain. The realization hit me. Well now I felt bad. I tried to tip toe down the hall but Seth woke up.

"LEAH! Oh my gosh Leah what happened. Dad wouldn't tell me anything and mom doesn't know either! Are you o.k.? I'm sorry I'm not trying to pry."

"It's fine. Me and Sam aren't dating anymore. Are mom and dad downstairs." I asked.

"No" He said with a weird one to his voice. I would have questioned him but I was starving, and too tired to care what he was hiding from me.

I walked downstairs and practically ran down the steps, I was starving! That is until I smelled something in the air.

It was eggs, bacon, pancakes and orange juice ( I make it all the time, I could smell it a mile away!) I turned to Seth.

" I thought you said mom and dad weren't home." I was getting angry.

" Thy aren't, I sware." I was about to go back upstairs when my stomach grumbled. What the hell, mom and dad couldn't be so bad. Little did I know.

I walked into the kitchen to find Emily cooking……….for Sam.

I immediately turned away and ran into Seth, I tried to get out of him without making a sound so Emily and Sam wouldn't realize I was there. They were staring at each other, Sickens me, this must be why I hadn't been hungry for the last couple of days.

Seth wouldn't let me go.

" I don't want them here anymore that you do but mom said if you came out of your room to not let you leave without eating and talking for a while. Plus dad said I would be in serious trouble if I was mean to either one of them." He whispered in my ear.

"Well I don't have to be nice." I stormed into the kitchen opened the refrigerator and grabbed out the milk and the firmest apple I could find. I went to the pantry and grabbed out the first cereal my hand touched. I put together the cereal and was walking out of the kitchen and into the living room when Sam grabbed my arm.

I turned around and threw my apple at him, I hit him right in the middle of his face and he took his hand off my arm to rub his nose. The whole reason I got that apple, I knew one of them would try to talk to me. I was kind of hoping it would be Emily though, right now I wanted to throw the burning pan at her, and the sizzling food in it.

"Your eggs are burning" I told her, I suddenly had a very good idea, she got up and turned around, I picked up the apple from the table as quick as I could and turned around. I walked slowly to the couch and sat down. I peeked over the back of the couch like 4 year old and waited for Emily to turn the pan so she could put eggs on a plate. Right then she tipped the pan over with one hand and held the plate in place with the other. I threw the apple and it hit the veins right below her hand. She dropped the pan and it hit Sam's hand, it burned him and then fell to the ground, Leaving a HUGE mess for her to clean up. I turned around and looked at Seth, we were both laughing hysterically, Seth's face was turning red while mine was turning purple. Our laughter cut off as my mom walked in and saw the huge mess, me and Seth were watching T.V. and eating bowls of…………………. Ewe, they were my Seth's captain crunch (he is such a 4 year old!) I pushed the bowls on the table with a disgusted look on my laughed and picked my bowl up after pigging out on his bowl. My mom came over with the weirdest expression on her face, kind of like she was trying extremely hard not to laugh. Oh yeah! I just made a huge mess for Emily to clean up. She pointed her finger at me but then slid her hand really low so they couldn't see for a high five. I laughed and gave her a quiet high five. I nodded my head for the charade and my mom bent in for a hug.

" I got the perfect ingredients to make Clearwater cookies, can't do them without you. And just you." She whispered in my ear. When I was 5 me and my mom were making chocolate chip cookies and we added a bunch of different ingredients with it and didn't follow the directions. The results were amazingly good cookies. We call them Clearwater cookies. My dad also makes pretty good fish-fry. I usually bring some over to the Blacks when he makes it, ad extra for Charlie.

" Fine, but just me, and can we get those two out of the house before I actually do something to physically harm another person." I whispered back. I turned to Seth after my mom walked away and we started to play Jin. We were laughing and having fun until Seth turned his head toward the kitchen, I followed his gaze and found Sam teaching Emily how to play Queen beats the king( It's a game me and him created at the beach. We got bored and hand an airplane carry-on bag. We had just gotten off the plane from spring break and weren't allowed back at the house because they were wrapping birthday presents. That did it. I stood up making the cards spread all over the living room and stormed off up-stairs and my mom motioned for Seth to follow. Instead of going back into the hollowness of my room I went into Seth's room. He followed in after me.

"What was that all about?" he was talking about the weird scene I made downstairs.

"Queen beats the King." That was all I needed to say for him to immediately get it.


	3. Chapter 3

The next couple of months I kept myself busy by helping my mom, cleaning, cooking, running errands, basically anything to avoid Sam. This day was different, I woke up with a feeling of hope, and relaxation. I put on my favorite pair of destroyed jeans and a red silk blouse, and walked downstairs. Emily was still staying with us for a couple of weeks until her house got fixed up. Oddly enough, today I was o.k. with that. Sam wasn't here this morning, that was odd, he was here every morning already on his 2nd plate of breakfast (that boy could eat!) I still hate them, very, very much, but today I felt good. Emily got huge scars on her face 3 months ago, the story was she got mulled by a bear. I actually felt bad for her.

I took a seat next to Emily and gave her a genuine smile. Everyone looked at me with the same expressions on their faces, Shock. Just the Sam walked in the door and he took in the emotional climate. He looked from me to Emily, to Seth, then to my parents.

"What?" God, he was such an arrogant retard.

I picked up my plate and walked into the living room. Seth followed me.

"What was that?" he asked as we sat down on the floor next to the coffee table.

"Just being nice." I shoved a huge piece of sausage into my mouth.

"You're not nice" he was right, lately I had been bitter and such a…………….a bitch!

" Maybe I'm in a good mood today, maybe I want to put the effort forth to be a nice person today, did you ever think of that?" I laughed at his shocked expression. This was the most I had said to him in 3 days.

" Sorry, it's just…….well, you…..umm……you just have changed a lot since all the stuff happened" he looked like he was at a loss for words. That was new.

" I know, I'm sorry, it's a lot easier to be mean to everyone then to be nice. I'm sorry. Don't go expecting me to be nice all the time." I was joking…..mostly. I couldn't be nice all the time, it was too hard to look at Sam and Emily and not want to spread the misery around.

" I wont, but could you at least be nice to me?" he was looking at the floor, Seth and I always had an awesome brother sister relationship. We get into little fights about the remote and people we don't like, but I love him so much.

" Always, love you Seth" He looked up at me to see the huge smile on my face.

" Love you too Leah, now hand over the remote!" He lunged for the remote, but I was too quick I jumped up and he fell face first onto the floor.

" It's so on!" he said as he jumped for the remote again.

We were wrestling for the remote, he was sitting on my legs so I couldn't wiggle to the remote that was just out of my reach. I used my stomach muscles to sit in a recumbent position behind Seth and pulled on his shoulders so he rolled off my feet. I squirmed to the remote and jumped to my feet.

"ha! Take that!" just then he did a totally weird move. He jumped into the air and whirled around behind me, grabbed the remote and sat on the couch.

" I did!" he said with a smug grin in his face.

" Please little brother!" I lunged at him and started to roll once I snatched the remote from him. I ran into the kitchen and hid behind the island in the middle of our kitchen.

I saw the disaster me and Seth had created. There were couch pillows everywhere, the coffee table candles were on the floor by the T.V. The rug was totally shoved to the side of the living room. Seth hadn't recovered from my awesome skizzelz and was rubbing where I hit his hand. I stood straight up and saw that everyone in the room was laughing. I went into the living room and sat on top of Seth, he tried to roll out from under me but I jumped onto the back of the couch and was on his back.

" You are 14, no way you will beat me!" I laughed and jumped off his back. I really was in a good mood.

Somewhere in the middle of Seth and I's fight my dad had left. I went up to my mom, remote in hand, and asked where he went.

" It's Saturday sweetheart. He's with Billy and Charlie. I have some of his fish fry for you to take over to their houses. Can you do that for me?"

"Sure, go to Jacob's and that Bella girl's house. Got it!" I went back into the living room to give Seth the remote.

" Can I come with?" He asked " I like this Leah, I would like to spend some time with her!" He is such a dork! I nodded and pulled him off the couch.

I got my shoes on and grabbed my new jacket. I got outside and decided I didn't want my jacket. I set it right inside the door and bounded down the steps towards Seth. I got him in a headlock and messed with is hair. We got to the car and drove off towards Jacob's house. Seth turned on the radio to 100 years by five for fighting. We had all the windows down and were singing to the radio, way off tune I might add. We reached Jacob's house and his dad's old truck was in the driveway, I heard he gave it to Charlie for his daughter. Me and Seth went to the door and rang the bell, no answer. We banged on the door, no answer. I yelled Jacob's name and I heard a " What do they want" coming from upstairs.

All of a sudden the door opened and Jacob was shirtless and there was a pale, blushing girl coming up behind him.

" Well, I'm glad you finally graced us with your presence, mighty one." I held up the bag " My dad's fish thing. Do you know how to get to Charlie's without taking the highway?" I was a little ticked off at his attitude, I am bringing him food, he should be happy.

" NO! Now go away, I don't need your crap today." He started to close the door. I pushed it open ready to let him have it when the girl from behind him spoke up.

" Hi, my name is Bella, I'm Charlie's daughter, take Franco road to Pelico street. You'll get to the road after the freeway and take that until the first right turn." She said while she was giving a death glare and Jacob.

"Thanks" I turned my attention to Jacob " See, that is how you treat a person, my patience is short, and I asked a simple question that I know you know the answer too. I brought you food, and I haven't done anything to you. I may have been rude to Embry after he tried to get me to talk to Sam last week, but that is the only conection I have had to you in the last month. So you be nice, do ont yell at a person, and for god's sake put a shirt on when you answer the door, you look like a gay ice dancer with those pants on." I was yelling. I started to stalk of towards the car when I realized Seth was still talking to Jacob. Jacob had a friendly tone, that was not o.k. I walked back to where Seth was standing.

"Lets go little one" I turned to Jacob again " I hope you die during cliff diving!" I pulled Seth behind me towards the car. I got in and pulled Seth in with me.

Crap! If Charlie is out and his daughter is here how am I going to get the food to him? Ugh, I hate this.

I walked back up to the door, rang the doorbell and Jacob answered again.

" Look I'm sorry, You're being a bitch lately and I get that Sam broke up with you, but you don't have to be mean." He looked a little annoyed. God I hate him.

" Thanks for your pity party, and you don't know the half of the story so don't tel me to get over it you self-loathing Ass. Give this to Bella, it's for Charlie." I shoved the bag at him and kicked him in the shin. I jumped the steps and stalked back to the car, muttering to myself. I looked up when I got in the car to find Seth shaking with laughter.

"What?" I said.

" That was funny, did you see his face when you told him off, the second time was even funnier than the first." He was laughing even more. His laughter stopped when I started the car and started to drive off. " Have you noticed that ake has been so weird lately. He's grown like a million feet, and he started to hang out with Sam and all them."

I thought about it for a second, he was right. I use to hang out with Jacob all the time. He was such a happy person. He had like his own little sunshine with a protection ball so reality couldn't get to him. Now he got mad all the time, and was hanging out with Bella all the time. He was actually really tall, and major muscle. He looked a lot like Sam now that I think about it.

" Your right, what do you want to do now that we have a whole day and nothing to do with it?" I asked, I was back to being in a good mood.

" Do you want to hang out at the par, then maybe you could pick Emily up, and we can go to dinner at the lodge." He said warily.

I was surprised I actually wanted to say yes, I wanted to ask Emily how she was doing, talk to her about my life, my friends, who I have a crush on right now ( I had a feeling she'd be excited to learn I liked someone that's not Sam)

"Yah, that sounds like a good idea." I smiled, an actual smile when I thought about Emily, the first in a very long time.

" Let's hit the park!" Seth shouted, he was such a girl sometimes. He held his head out of the window for 10 minutes straight, then pulled it in when a bug went into his mouth. We reached the park and where having so much fun when I flicked Seth's forehead and it was burning up.

" Oh my gosh Seth! Your burning up, you didn't have to come out with me if you weren't feeling good! Me being nice isn't going to go away that quickly!" I hit his arm, which was extremely hot too!

" I feel fine, my head doesn't hurt, and stop hitting me!" We both laughed, then I spotted the ice cream stand, and then I raced Seth to it. I won….naturally! I got one of those popsicles that are really embarrassing to eat with the swirls on them, but there so yummy it makes you not care. Seth got a fudge bar that was bigger than his head. We ate them and talked. It was nice to talk to Seth, he wasn't worried about how I was doing, and he totally got that I had moved on ( or so everyone thinks, I can like someone else as much as I want, but I still am in love with Sam), he was my brother and I loved him.

We were almost home and Seth and I were laughing because of an inside joke, fun bug! See you don't get it! anyway, we got home and Seth said he wasn't feeling good, I was about to tell him I told you so when it hit me. My head hurt, my body was shaking, I had to get to the couch, but I couldn't make my legs move. I fell to the ground and struggled to get up. My dad, mom, Sam and Emily walked in on me shaking violently and Seth running around frantically trying to figure out what to do.

"Oh no! But she's a girl, this can't be happening." My father and Sam mumbled to themselves.

Before anyone could ask what was going on, my dad fell o the ground clutching his heart.


	4. Chapter 4

My mom and Seth immediately dropped to my dad, Sam dropped to me and Emily just stood there stunned into disbelief. I was in pain, immense pain, and I didn't know how to make it stop. Sam kept mumbling "it's going to be o.k., it's going to be o.k" I couldn't find the right muscles to lift my hand, slap him, and tell him it was not going to be o.k.

" S-S-Seth, H-H-Help M-M-Me." I couldn't see him, I didn't know what was going on, I didn't know what happened to my dad, or was happening to me. All I knew was I wanted Seth to tell me it would be o.k. knew he was only 14, I knew he would be lying, but I needed him to tell me it would be o.k.

Suddenly everything went black. I was surrounded by nothingness, I was utterly alone it what felt like my own misery. I found myself pushing with all my mental force against the nothingness. I was fighting an internal battle. I wanted so bad to let go, just to give up and let myself be surrounded. I didn't know what was happening to me, but if it caused this much pain, I didn't want anything to do with it.

Just then it hit me, like a crystal being shattered into a million pieced right over me. My body was stretching, I could hear voices in my mind, people telling me it was O.k. My arm was being stretched, now my legs, my other leg, my chest, everything. I found myself even more angry than usual, in more pain than usual. I found the muscles to open my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, scared of what I would see. Then I heard it, that one piercing voice that made me so angry I burst into a flying rage.

It was Jacob, he was pissed and confused and wanted to be with that Bella girl, wait, I could hear his thoughts. I was running, bursting through tree's but not hitting any of them. I was following the voices, the scents that consumed me. They heard my approach and my anger, it shocked them into silence.

_Here she comes_ Sam thought. SAM! What the hell was going on. I stopped in my tracks. I could tell was close, and for the first time in my life, I was afraid of what was on the other side of the tree's.

I heard a thudding, it was getting closer, my heart was racing, and I was burning up.

Finally, 7 large wolf-like figures appeared through the tree line. I backed away quickly. Then I heard that voice again, that voice that made me feel safe. It was me, I was protecting myself, trying to figure out what was going on. I had 8 different voices in my head, it was giving me a headache.

_SHUT UP! I AM FREAKING OUT HERE. NOW SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN_G _ON BEFORE I DO SOMETHING YOU WILL ALL REGRET! _I was shrieking. I was scared, and mentally crying. What the hell was going on? What am I? Who am I?

_Your still Leah, god you're so dramatic _that annoying Jacob was there again. I barred my teeth and growled. He took a step back.

_Please, you were flipping out the first time you phased, you even asked where was Bella, you shouldn't get too attached to her, if her leech comes back, she's going to go back to him. _Paul snorted.

Jacob lunged for him but Embry got hold of his hind leg before he could get too far.

_You two need to stop that, especially when we have a problem to deal with. _Sam scolded.

_What so I'm a problem now? Just tell how to get back to normal , and I will gladly be out of your hair!_ I thought. Apparently I could think-talk to them, and I could see whatever they wanted me too. I did not enjoy that!

_You can't go back to normal, and no you are not a problem, we have to tell you some stuff, and then we'll help you get back to normal. _Sam's thoughts had an uncomfortable edge, as did everyone else's.

_What!_ What was going on?

_You're a werewolf, but werewolves aren't supposed to be girls, that's never happened before, and it's not supposed to happen, and your dad had a heart attack and is in the hospital. We have this thing, we can sort of read each others minds…….." _

He gave me the whole werewolf lecture, and then told me how to phase back.

The he told me about imprinting. What set me off was when he started talking about it his thoughts went to Emily. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED! OMGOODNESS! That explains a lot! Oops! I forgot they could hear my thoughts, I looked up at them. Whew! It seemed like all of them were thinking about a girl. Sickening! I had to say something before Sam's mental pictures got too detailed. I was seriously pissed off now, I needed someone to fight with, something to hit.

_So, this is what happened when you disappeared last year? This is what happened with Emily._ I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

_Yes, I told you I couldn't tell you, we're not allowed to._ He looked over at Jacob who was doing that look away-innocent thing and whistling in his head.

I made some comment in the back of my head about Emily, and that made Sam mad. Good, give me someone to lash out on. This whole, make other people see what you want, and hear wat you want thing could be fun!

Sam charged forward, this would be a good time for me to fight back, but I decided to make him crumble to my whim.

_Touch me and it's a Leah tell all._

_What do you mean?_ Sam questioned.

_Well, first I'll tell some stories and fun facts about you, then I'll tell the whole world you're werewolves. Fun for me!_

_You can't do that, you are a part of this pack, and_ _I am the alpha, you have to follow my rules Leah._ Sam sounded worried. Good, I'm not kidding.

_You think I'm going to follow your rules. HA! I never did listen to you. Why would I start now. Plus, you have your precious little Emily, now run along and play fetch._ I started to run back to where I first got up and heard paws running from behind me. I smiled menacingly and whirled around. I warned him. I landed a foot into the ribs. He blew back.

_Sam owns four baby dolls, and he treats them like real people. Sam wore girls underwear for 3 months because he thought it felt nice. Sam is a liar. _ I flooded my mind with menacing thoughts toward Sam and Emily, my shattered heart, al the promises he broke to me, all the times we've spent together, I threw in the first night we ever had sex to. In that moment I let my guard down, all the feelings that I've kept bottled up got shot towards Sam. They all winced to my enjoyment. This was fun. I liked this. I threw one last memory at Sam, the night Emily came to visit. I showed him how he told me he loved me, my excitement and love for him when I saw him. Our kiss. How I noticed the pain in his eyes. Then when we go into our fight, and he broke up with me, I threw in all the emotions with all my might. I decided you were second in line to the person you've loved for the past 3 years, over your cousin, who he hadn't even met yet. All the crying, he pain in knowing he broke all his promises, everything.

I put away my memories, and saw all of the boys staring at Sam for what he had put me through.

_Warned you_

_I'm sorry_ Sam stated, he was in pain, and his pain gave me a sense of satisfaction, but I also felt pain because he was in pain.

_Like that means anything. It doesn't matter that you're sorry, and it doesn't matter that you imprinted on Emily. It. Does. Not. Matter!_

I started full speed into the forest, I felt the rest of them phase before me, something about a bloodsucker name Victoria, and my dad.

I got to my spot and found a pile of my clothes lying there, neatly folded and everything.

Right then I felt someone phase, stronger than the others, but still a phase.

I searched that persons thoughts and realized who it was at once.

_SETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

I went into the whole wolf lecture I just received from Sam. He immediately understood, and he knew we needed to get to our dad as soon as possible. He separated himself from me and found his clothes. I have no idea how we got clothes, but I wasn't complaining. We made it to the hospital in a matter of minutes and we got to our dad's room.

My mom grabbed us both in an immediate hug, and she was bawling. Tears started to fill mine and Seth's eyes. When mom let us out of the vice tight hug, I noticed that Sam. Billy, Charlie, Jared, Paul and Emily were here. I tried to avoid them, awkward moment with the whole me just phasing. I went over to them real quick t ugh, and told them that Seth phased, and I told him the same thing Sam told me.

Then I went immediately over to my dad's side and grabbed his hand I pressed it to my face and sat in silence. Almost everyone in the room was crying. There was my mom's and Emily's girlish sobs, then Sam's, Charlie's, Billy's and Seth's man crying. Me, Jared, and Paul were the only ones not crying.

The nurse came in around 9:30 and gave us all the bad news.

My father was in bad shape. Whatever made him have that heart attack really messed him up.

It was me, I gave him the heart attack. By showing the signs of becoming a werewolf, and the fact that I'm a girl, gave him a heart attack. This was my fault.

Apparently the guilt on my mind was showing on my face. Or maybe it was just the fact that me and Emily could basically read each other's minds. But she came up behind me and rubbed my back.

"This is not your fault. Don't ever think like that."

I turned to face her, not letting go of my dad's hand.

"Then what was it? The nurse said he was healthy, what could have happened in the 30 seconds it took him to look at me and realize that I was becoming a werewolf, and that It goes against everything everyone has ever known? What could have happened" I was on the verge of breaking down.

" It was me, I shrieked at an extremely high decibel, and it scared him." She actually sounded like she believed it. The Billy chimed in.

" It wasn't one persons fault. We all played a part in this. We all loaded stress onto him, until he couldn't take it." He bowed his head in shame.

"HEY! He would be yelling at us all if he knew we were all taking the blame for this. He isn't dead yet, he will not die." Seth said, through the middle of his mini speech he had started to cry, and he kneeled down beside me and I wrapped him in a huge hug. He made me feel safe. Me and Seth had no secrets, and even though I'm older, I needed him to help me through this. He was majorly optimistic, the only one of that didn't have the doom and gloom cloud over his head.

The nurse came in and gave us all blankets, I think she knew none of us were going to leave.

She walked in the door and dropped off the blankets and pillows, they were crappy, but at least she was trying. No one had touched them, the room was silent except for the sounds of everybody's breathing and heartbeats.

Then the Heart Monitor let out a long and final beep.


	5. Chapter 5

Three nurses and two doctors ran into the room, and got those heart paddle things. They scared me, they were electrocuting my father, I had a feeling it would be uncomfortable. Seth ran into my mom's arms, and me and Emily were locked in a death grip hug, both of our faces buried in each other's shoulders. Everyone had started to cry, but for some reason I couldn't find the tears hat should be coming out of my eyes.

"Time of death, 10:17" the doctor called out.

I crumbled to my dad's side holding his dead, corpse hand. Three sets of strong arms suddenly were on some part of my body, and Emily was holding me close. Some part of my mind noted that I didn't mid Emily trying to comfort me, before this happened we were basically sisters. The rest of my mind was wrapped around my dad. I rested my head on his hand, I was about to cry.

The three sets of strong arms suddenly were helping me up from my catatonic state. I had no feeling, no emotion, no recognition. I couldn't get that last beep out of my head, the visions of my father being electrocuted would never leave my head.

Then it hit me, pain. My father was dead, he was dead, and never coming back, he was dead and it was my fault, death. How did today start out as such a wonderful day, hanging with Seth, playing at the park, I was going to hang out with Emily. Then I became the only girl werewolf EVER and my father died because of me.

Big, warm arms were holding me, holding me close to their chest. It must be one of the wolves. I didn't care. I rolled in their arms until my face was buried in their shoulder blade and wrapped my arms around him. My eyes started to water, and were filling up quickly, but I just couldn't make the tears come down my face. Why?

We were walking out of the hospital, I heard Billy, Emily, Jared, Paul, Seth, and Sam, I was in Sam's arms. I really didn't care, I needed security for just one more moment. Billy, Paul, and Jared climbed into the front 3 seats and the rest of us piled in back. I was still in Sam's arms, I was still catatonic. Sam situated me so I could hold onto Seth, but still didn't let me go. I grabbed onto Seth, he was crying pretty hard, I could hear everyone's tears and feel the tension and awkwardness around me. Emily was sitting on the other side of Seth and she was bawling like a baby. I reached as far as I could, and she closed the distance. I still wasn't crying, and I couldn't understand why. I rode all the way home like that. Sam still hadn't let me go, when we got to my house he scooped me up, probably seeing my legs shaking beneath me, and headed towards my house. Everyone except Billy and Sam piled into my house. Sam set me down next to the couch and I took off. I ran out of the house fast enough for no one to process what was going on before I was at least a mile ahead. I ran to the one place I knew would help me.

The cliff. I have spent hours here after Sam and I broke up. I would look out into the vast ocean in the afternoon, and the beautiful sunset at night. I could be anything I wanted here. I didn't have to be bitch Leah, or Sam's ex-girlfriend, or a girly-she wolf. I was me, Leah Anne Clearwater.

My dad use to bring me here when I was little. We would make sandwiches, bring water, chips and beer, and then we would sit out here all day and play. We would have arm wrestles, thumb wrestles, we would play would you rather. We would have so much fun. Then one day we just stopped coming out here, my dad would be gone a lot with the tribe Elders, and we never did anything anymore.

For the first time since Sam left me, I started to cry. Memories of my dad took over my mind, and I closed my eyes. That one scene kept replaying in my mind, my father dying, the sound of the paddles and the last beep of the monitor. I rolled onto my back and stared into the blankness of the sky.

Hours passed and I was sitting with my knee's to my chest, my arms wrapped around my legs and my still crying head resting on top of my knee's.

I heard someone come up behind me. Then there were warm had on both sides of me. I looked up and there was Jacob, tear stained face and shirtless body.

My face must have been red and puffy, and I was still crying. He wrapped me in a huge bear hug and didn't let go. For some reason, in that moment, I felt safe. I felt hope that maybe life was going to get better, maybe the world wasn't such an awful place. Jacob was wet, but I didn't care, I just wanted someone to hold me.

"I'm so sorry Leah, I wish there was something I could do." Jacob murmured in my ear.

"Thanks, I wish there was something I could do too." I let out a weak laugh. My voice was strained and cracking from not talking and crying.

"Everyone is worried about you, were all looking for you." He sounded like he was going to cry.

" I don't care, I don't want to go back, I don't want to be reminded that no one cares every time I walk downstairs." I was being honest. My dad just stopped caring after I turned 15, Seth, we l Seth had to care, he was my brother. My mom had pity for me, I don't like pity. To Sam I'm the ex-girlfriend he can't get away from, and to Emily, well to Emily I'm just a bitch.

Jacob pulled me from my thoughts; he lifted my chin so I was looking at him. He really has gotten extremely huge lately.

"Don't ever say that! A lot of people care. Seth cares…..a LOT, your mom cares, Sam cares, Emily cares, I care. We all care very much, you just don't see that." He was looking straight into my eyes.

" Seth and my mom have to care, but they have pity for me, I've been such a bitch lately to Emily so I don't think she would mind if wasn't there, and to Sam, I'm the ex-girlfriend he can't get away from." I started to cry even more as I realized it was actually true.

" Why don't I care?" I looked up at him, he had a smirk on his face. He knew he got me, I don't know why he didn't care, I just knew he didn't.

" I don't know why you don't care. You just don't" Ha! Now I got him!

" Your wrong though, I care. It may not seem like it but I do. You can be a bitch, and I can be an ass, but I care, and you know you would care if I went missing." Damn! I thought I had him.

"I could care less if you went missing!" I let out an exhausted laugh. Jacob held me even tighter in our hug, I could feel his body shaking with his laughter.

How is it that I can totally be open to Jacob, who I barely know and has a huge crush on Bella, but I can't talk like this to my mom? I think it's because the world hates me. Yah, that's probably it.

I heard another person approaching, it was Emily. She came over to me. She saw that I was crying uncontrollably into Jacob's shoulder, she came and sat next to us. She started to rub my back in little circles. I remember doing that to her when her dog died 2 years ago.

"See, she cares." Jacob whispered in my ear. I laughed.

We sat in silence, all of us crying, we must look like such dorks, that is if anyone could see us.

I feel asleep in Jacob's arms, still crying. Emily must have fallen asleep on the ground, and Jacob probably fell asleep propped up by the picnic bench.

I woke up with a headache. Emily and Jake were still sleeping, so I just stayed where I was. Jake's arms were tangled up around me, there was no way out without waking him up. I started to laugh. That woke up Emily. She saw my situation and started to laugh too.

" What time is it?" Emily asked. Now that I think about it, I honestly don't know.

" Oh my gosh! I don't know!" I smiled at her, that made her face light up.

We started to talk about random things, and we talked about what we've been up too lately, whata her house looks like. I told her a funny story about Sam. We started into a whole bunch of stories about Sam, that led us to talk about stories from when we were growing up. I asked about her parents, her sister, her older brother. It was nice, finally talking to Emily, she has been my best friend in the whole world since I was 3. I told her everything. Even intimate things about Sam and me, thinking about all the things I told her about Sam made me blush. She noticed that.

"what?" She looked concerned.

" I was just thinking about all the things I've told you about Sam in the past. It made me blush, I told you about………..umm………….intimate details and stuff like that. It's embarrassing to think about. Were going to even it out. Tell me some details about you and Sam" She looked wary " don't worry, I've grown, I even have a crush on someone!" I wiggled my eyebrows.

" o.k. well, this is embarrassing to admit but………….. I can't have sex with him." She immediately looked down. Why is that emabrassing?

"Why?" she wasn't getting off that easily.

" I feel really bad, I mean, I know how much you loved him, and all the ways you loved him." She stopped and let out a little giggle, " It just feels wrong, I mean, I can barely kiss him." She was full on blushing. It was funny to watch. I burst out in to laughter. That was ridiculous!

" Oh my goodness! You're serious." She nodded, I laughed a little more. " I'm sorry, but that's ridiculous! I don't blame you about the whole Sam thing. Girl, You better get over this, because I want details." I wiggled my eyebrows again. " I better get details by next week."

O.k. so it wasn't all a lie. I did want to get over the Sam thing, but I also blamed her. I am trying really hard to look like I don't care, to look like I don't love Sam. But the truth is I still am in love with Sam, and it kills me when I see them together, and knowing that their getting married is even more pain. I hate that I still love him. I hate that I have to hear him think about her when I turn into a werewolf. But I'm really trying. Emily was cracking up, next to me. Sometime during my internal debating she had moved closer. She started to stand up, she tripped and let out a squeal. That woke Jacob up.

" Are you tripping people again?" Jacob said sarcastically. He released me and I started to get up, only to fall immediately to my butt.

My legs were stiff and sore from sitting for so long. The last time I stood up was when I ran to the cliff. Emily and Jake were laughing at me. I crossed my arms and looked away like a 5 year old. Emily and Jake came to my sides and lifted me up. Jake's arms were supporting me and keeping me from going down to my butt. Apparently we were heading home.

It didn't take that long to get there, we took a short cut through the forest and we were running. Jake was basically pulling me and Emily along with him. Once we got out of the forest, he went back to holding me.

He asked me about what happened when Seth phased and no one was around. I told him that I just said the same exact thing Sam told me, minus the whole putting you all through pain by my memories. I apologized for that and then Emily asked a very odd question.

" Is it cool to be a werewolf?" She looked a little embarrassed and a lot curious. Me and Jacob gave her a shocked expression.

" I don't really know, I've been one for all of 24 hours, how about you Jacob?" I tilted my head backwards to look at him.

" There's good and bad things about it. The speed is…….amazing, it's hard to control your anger. You have a lot of anger once you're a werewolf. It's extremely hard to control yourself, as you know." He gave a sympathetic look towards Emily. I was confused, Emily caught on.

" Sam lost his temper when I yelled at him, it wasn't a bear who did this to me." She pointed to the scars that dragged down the side of her face.

" OH MY GOD! SERIOUSLY!" I screamed. He is going to get a piece of my mind, how could he possibly do this. I was shaking with anger. Now I know what they mean by not being able to control your temper. Jacob was trying to calm me down, I took deep breaths as we walked.

We finally reached the house and we walked in. My mom and Seth immediately ran to me and Jacob in a death grip hug, he still hadn't let go of me. When they let go they did the same to Emily. Sam had a mean look on his face when I smiled at him.

"What!" I yelled at him, he was seriously pissing me off!

" Nothing!" he growled at me. I started to charge at him, but Jacob held me back, he was restraining my whole body with all his strength. I was trying to wriggle myself free.

"Let go of me!" I was scratching Jacob's arms. Emily came over and put her hands on my flinging hands. I started to breath in and out with her, Jacob still restraining me. I calmed down and was giving Sam a death glare.

I turned to Seth and my mom and apologized, then I noticed Sam glaring at Jacob's arms around me.

"What the hell now!" my temper flared even faster and worse than last time, my whole body was trembling.

"Nothing!" Sam yelled back at me again. I heard him say slut under his breath. That set me off.

I immediately phased and my clothes ripped. I lunged for Sam who phased just as quickly, I jumped at his and he blew out the door, shattering it into a million pieces. He was lying on his back on the sidewalk. I jumped from my spot over half our yard and landed on top of him. My teeth were barred and at his neck, he managed to wiggle just in time to miss my teeth. We both stood up and he landed a kic in the gut. I barely moved an inch and went to his legs. I bit his hamstring and he went down. Jacob had phased now and was trying to break us apart. Seth was aggravated because he couldn't figure out how to phase, he wasn't angry, he was scared. I lunged for Sam who was hiding behind Jacob. Jacob quickly danced out of the way and I knocked Sam into the street. I lunged for him and he moved out of the way making me tumble into the tree behind me. He lunged forward, but Jacob got him mid-air. Seth had finally phased and was trying to help Jacob restrain Sam. I yelled at them to move, this was my fight, not theirs and they were going to get hurt. They knew that they had to move out of the way, so they moved to let Sam up. I heard Emily try to run over to him, but my Jared held her back. Paul was shouting, he was obviously entertained.

_Ready to get your ass handed to you Leah?_

I scoffed

_You wish, you can't hurt me like you hurt Emily. You don't have the kind of power to beat me. I may be new to this, but I could kick your ass before, I can do the same now._

He was growling and his teeth were barred.

_Cheap shot bitch!_

_Jealous are we, Sammy boy?_

_You wish!_

He went for my legs, but I jumped in the air and land on his collar bone. It made a loud crunch sound, which made Emily screech, she was crying insanely.

_You will always be second Leah, to me, to your mom, to Seth, and you were way past second with your dad. Your dad hated you, his death was your fault._

His words didn't have the affect he wanted, they just pissed me of more.

_SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

I jumped at him, he tried to move out of the way, but I was to quick. I landed on him and he fell into a tree, cracking it in half and making 2 more tree's fall. I had my leg at his tail bone and I pushed, it snapped. I made something else crack with my other leg, I wasn't paying attention to what it was. It was pouring rain outside, it seemed to start when I got home. Sam was blinking to keep the water out of his eyes. He had a look of sadness in his eyes. I could hear Emily bawling behind me. I could also hear Jared, Jacob, Seth, and Paul shouting for me to finish him.

My teeth were at Sam's neck. I was ready to kill him. But I stopped.

_Emily means to much to me for me to kill you, don't even think that you deserve to live. I do not come second. People care Sam, you are a worthless piece of shit and I hope someone kills you slowly someday. You're not worth my time, and my strength. Just remember this, I will not hesitate to kill you next time._

With that I let go of him and stalked off into the woods. I heard Sam phase back, and the rest of hem phase into wolves.

_DAMN GIRL, NOW I KNOW NOT TO MAKE YOU ANGRY!_ Paul laughed.

_Yah Leah, seriously, what was that? _Jacob asked

_I don' t know, he was giving me a death glare, and it pissed me off, then he was telling me I was useless_….." I replayed the whole scene in my head, what he said to me, why I let him go. Paul laughed when I showed him that I thought it was funny he was amused. Seth shuddered when he heard the bones crack, and my pleasure at them. Finally it was over. I stopped the replay and looked around.

They were all staring at me with obvious awe. I looked around at all of them, their jaws were literally at the ground.

_What?_

_Your bad ass Leah!_ Jared gave me a nod of approval.

_Really, I thought I was a bitch! _I replayed the scene where I heard them talking about me, and my bitchiness.

_Didn't know you knew about that, sorry!_ Jared looked down.

_It's cool, I am a bitch. _

_Are not! _ Seth yelled

Then Sam phased.

_WHAT THE HELL LEAH!!!! I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED YOU MADE EMILY! HW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!!!!!_

I started to charge at where Sam was coming from, but Jacob bit my leg and dragged me back.

I heard two more phases, Embry and Quil.

_What's going on, we heard that Leah totally kicked Sam's ass. _ Quil thought enthusiastically.

_It was totally awesome, Sam got his ass handed to him. I think he landed one shot though. _Seth thought.

_Dang, wish I could have seen that! _Embry sighed.

I showed them the whole scene through my mind, Sam winced when his bones cracked.

I had calmed down, and without even trying, I phased back. I tried to phase back into a werewolf, but I couldn't do it. I ran as fast as I could, I was so embarrassed. I had no clothes on, god that was embarrassing. I ran home, I looked both ways before crossing the street, and ran as fast as I could through the house and up the stairs.

I closed the door to my bedroom and turned around to find Emily on my bed, she had a smile on her face, but her face was wet from tears.

"I'm not going to apologize, he deserved it, he pissed me off, it was my fight to fight. No one could have stopped that without getting hurt." I said as I went to my dresser to grab my bath robe. I put it on and was suddenly filled with the scent of freesia, roses, orange blossoms and lilac, it's the lotion I use and body spray I put on. I love it.

" I wasn't asking you to be sorry, I came to make sure you were o.k. Jacob told me what he said to you and what set you off, if you ask me, he deserved it. I would have appreciated a little les damage. I was so scared you were going to kill him. I was bawling!"

" I know, you are part of the reason I didn't kill him. I tried to be nice to him, I can't, it's taking a lot of effort to be nice to people. Sam is just not worth my time." I grabbed my majorly oversized flannel pajamas and headed into the bathroom. When I came out, Sam was on my bed.

" What do you want!" I spat, I went over to my closet and grabbed a white tank top. I was still just in pajama pants and a bra.

" What did you say to Emily?" he asked

" Why do you care!" I countered

" Because I deserve to know" he stated. He did not deserve anything.

" I don't owe you anything, and you don't deserve anything." I was about to walk out my door, " I didn't say anything, I just told her you weren't worth my time." And with that I walked out the door.

When I got downstairs Charlie and Billy were over, my mom was crying, and they were discussing funeral plans for my dad.


	6. Chapter 6

**SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE, I'VE HAD THE STOMACH FLU! SO I'VE BEEN WRITNG, JUST WHEN I'M NOT VOMITING!**

**I TOTALLY WISH I OWNED ANY OF THESE CHARECTERS, BUT I DO NOT, THAT WOULD BE THE CLEVER MRS. STEPHENIE MEYER!!!!!**

**THANK YOU TOO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO REVEIWED, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE IT. YOU CAN ASK CASSIDY, I WAS GIGGLING LIKE CRAZY, I WAS SO EXCITED!**

This sucks.

My dad's funeral is today, I have to speak, and I have no idea what to say. I am getting ready right now. I have a black dress on, with black stiletto's and shorts under my dress. I am extremely worried that I'm going to get angry today, and phase Sam has seriously been pushing my buttons lately, and so has the rest of the pack.

I went into the bathroom to fix my hair. I had it in ringlet curls and the front part of my hair was pulled back with a black flower clip. I don't get why everyone has to wear black to a funeral, are you trying to be doom and gloom?

I went to my mirror and stared at myself, my terrible self. I killed my dad, he had a heart attack because I phased, and that's not suppose to happen. There was a knock on my door.

" Come in!" I shout from my bathroom.

Seth walks in, he looks like he's about to cry, I walk over to him and lock him in a hug. Seth starts to cry on my shoulder. We stand like this for about 3 minutes before my mom walks in looking for us, she has been crying all day, she has waterproof makeup on, we both got some last week. She came up and wrapped her arms around both of us and started to cry just like Seth.

I couldn't cry, not in front of people. The door bell rang, we all broke apart and went downstairs to answer it. Charlie and Billy were at the door. We've been seeing a lot of them lately, everyone has been crying lately.

I still haven't grasped the fact that my dad is dead, I wake up in the morning and come downstairs and expect my dad to be down there eating breakfast and telling my mom he loves her. The last time my dad told me he loved me was when I was 10, I always tell him I love him, but he just says" thanks sweetheart" to me. After Sam left me, he didn't even say that much, he told me I was being a baby because I would cry, he told me to suck it up, life goes on when my mom would try to comfort me. He never saw me good enough, he never saw me to be a good daughter. He told Seth he loved him, he told my mom he loved her, but never me, I always wondered why. When I phased I learned the answer, he loved my mom because, well he just did, he loved Seth because he was going to be a great big werewolf, but he saw me as a disappointment, I would never be one of his precious werewolves. Seth saw the hurt and strain on my face, I swear he could read my mind.

"Leah, he loved you, you're his daughter, and this was not your fault." Seth wrapped me in one of his awkward, yet I love them, hugs. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. We were all getting ready to leave, my mom was grabbing food from the fridge and I grabbed a bag of chips and a water from the fridge and sat down on the counter, my mother looked at me like I was crazy, but Seth did the same, and Billy wheeled himself over to us and I offered him some chips.

" I'm sorry about your father, he was a great man, loving to everyone." Billy sighed.

Yah, loving to everyone except me, I was just a burden to him. I sipped my water and finished off my chips. We were all ready to go, food was piled into Charlie's police cruiser, and were heading out the door.

" Do you know where Jake is?" Billy asked me and Seth.

"Bella's" Seth replied, Jacob was his Idol, he wanted to be just like him.

"That boy," Billy shook his head and wheeled to the passenger side of our car. Seth and I got into the back seat, and Seth got me in a side hug, I rested my head on his shoulder again, and one single tear ran down my face.

We made it to the funeral home, we walked inside, I couldn't stand it, the minute we gto in there I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I couldn't stop, it just kept coming. My mom came in a few second later.

"Honey, what's the matter?" she sounded worried.

"Nothing!" I managed to squeeze out. I was gasping for air, I felt horrible, like when I phased for the first time.

She walked out, she sent Sam in. Is she serious? Sam, really, and this is the girls bathroom too.

" Are you o.k.?" he sounded hurt, this was a funeral after all.

" seriously! Does it sound like it!" I had to stop, it was getting harder to breathe, I bent over the toilet and vomited again " If your just going to ask me stupid questions you can go!" I yelled with all my might, I tried to go heavy on the sarcasm. I mumbled ass under my breath. Sam walked out. I tried to get up, and I fumbled right back down to the floor.

Seth came in next. Finally, someone who could actually help me.

" Leah? What's wrong!" He rushed up behind me, I had recently flushed the toilet, so it was clean from green.

" I don't know, I feel nauseous and I hurt really bad," I was gasping for air, it was getting incredibly hard to breathe, " I. Can't. Breathe." And with that I passed out on the floor.

I woke up in someone's arms, I was being carried. I looked up to find-once again- Jacob. Why did he have to always save me? I didn't need saving, I was doing perfectly fine on my own!

I struggled to get free of his arms, "Let go of me, I am perfectly capable of walking" I hope! " I was doing perfectly fine, now put me down before I start to scream." I was squirming, Jacob was giving me a "god Leah! You're such a bitch!' look, but he put me down, and walked away, he looked really angry, like mega super angry, wonder if Bella's leech came back? Or If Bella went to find her leech? Anyway, why do I care! I walked into the other room, my mom was there, she was crying so hard, so was everyone else. The funeral hadn't started yet, we got here like 2 hours early, we had to be here for some stupid things. I sat down on a chair and stared into space, I was lost in thought, I just didn't know what I was thinking about, I was jumping from one thing to another. What was that in the bathroom, why did that happen, why do I feel like going to apologize to Jacob, why do I want to go home, why do I want to go cliff diving, why do I want to make everything disappear, why am I a werewolf.

THE WORLD SUCKS!!!!!!!!

Everyone started arriving and the rest of the funeral passed in a blur, except when I made my speech, by that time, I was so angry, everyone was saying all these nice things about my dad, but he was never nice to me. He ignored me, he preferred my ex-boyfriend who broke my heart over me, he saw me as a disappointment, as something he didn't want or need.

I walked up to the podium and took a deep breath. "The last time my father told me he loved me, I was 10, I'm now 19. Every morning I would come downstairs with my brother and we would eat breakfast, he would head off to wherever he was going that day, he would tell my mom goodbye and I love you, he would tell my brother goodbye and I love you, I would tell him I love him and he would tell me thanks sweetheart. When my ex-boyfriend broke up with me, he just stopped responding, and started ignoring me. He preferred my ex-boyfriend over me, he told me that I was being a baby when I would cry, he told me to suck it up, life goes on. What everyone has said here today has been a lie, he was not kind to everyone, he did not love his family more than anything, and he certainly would not do anything for me." I took another deep breath and ran out of the room and I burst through the glass doors at the front.

I was shaking with anger, so I ran into the forest so no one would see me phase.

I didn't care if I ruined my outfit, I just wanted to run, run away and never come back. I cut my hair last week, my fur was gray. I was a pretty large wolf, I wasn't bigger than Sam of Jacob, but I was definitely getting there, I was bigger than Embry, and about the same size as Paul, Jared was taller than me though. Seth was getting taller, and more muscular by the minute, he was now 6'1, I was 6'4. I ate being this tall, everyone stares at you, I don't mind it when the guys stare at me, but when the girls stare at me, I feel like a complete and utter weirdo, and I am. I go against nature, against everything anyone knows. I am the bitchy she-wolf that no one wants around. Well if it makes them feel better, I don't want to be around.

I heard someone phase, he was charging at me like crazy, he was pissed. It was Sam, damn, why was he always there, I can't freaking get away from him!

_What the hell do you want Sam?_

_WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT!!!!!! YOUR MOTHER IS IN TEARS BECAUSE OF THE AWFUL THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT YOUR FATHER!!! HOW DARE YOU TALK A BOUT HIM LIKE THAT!_ Sam was shouting, that pissed me off even more, he had no right to talk to me like this.

_Like hell I don't, where are you? I am going to drag your ass back to the funeral and you are going to apologize!_ Sam was still shouting, which, as usual, started o piss me off even more.

I started to charge where I could hear him. He may be gorgouse, but he's not so smart, he was too busy thinking about Emily, and her crying because of what I said, to hear me charging him. I landed my shoulder into his stomach.

_BITCH!_ He started to charge me, but I moved out of the way just in time, and before he could turn around, I hooked my teeth around his right flank. He let out a loud yelp, then he howled. Six other wolf's phased not more than a minute later.

_What? What's going on? What? What? _ Everyone's thoughts where all jumbled together, but were basically thinking the same thing. I could tell who was who, Paul was right and ready ( suck up!) Jared was-as usual- not paying attention, Embry and Quil were bored, and Jacob was amused, apparently Sam was thinking about how I just owned him(again!) and Jacob thought it was funny, wait! Where is Seth?

_Where is Seth? _

_He's still at the funeral, he's pretty frustrated that he can't figure out how to phase, and he's not angry enough._ Jacob thought

Well great! The one person who would actually have my back isn't here! Perfect!

_Dude, what happened to your leg?_ Jared asked Sam, Sam looked to the ground, emabrassed.

I thought over what happened.

Jared shook his head. _ Again, man, I'm a little ashamed to be your beta right now._

_Apparently, we should all watch out for Leah! Wonder if Seth has the same skills?_ Paul questioned.

_Doubt it, that kid wouldn't hurt a fly, he hasn't even had any temper problems, it's actually a little weird._ Embry got seriouse. _I think Leah's anger isn't about being a werewolf, it's about her being a bitch, and according to her, Sam is being a bastard. _ Oh Hell No! He did not just call me a bitch, I may be one, but that gives him no right to call me one!

_No Embry, the bastard in this situation is you!_ I thought menacingly towards Embry. Everyone knows that he doesn't know who his dad is, his mom is from the Makah reservation, so it has to be Jacob's dad, Sam's dad or Quil's dad. Who all had wives at the time he came.

Everyone was stunned into silence. Good, serves them right, calling me a bitch. I ran away and phased, I knew I didn't have clothes, I've phased to many times on accident o not notice that, everyone in the pack has seen me naked, and they all end up thinking about it later, it's really annoying actually, you would think if they hate you, they wouldn't think about you. I ran home, put on my pajama bottoms and white tank top, headed downstairs for a bottle of water and another bag of chips, and I drove my car to the cliff. I didn't feel like running anymore, I didn't want to feel like a wolf for once.

I reached the cliff in a matter of minutes, I developed a new level of speed when I became a wolf, so I liked to drive fast.

I got out with my water bottle and went to sit on the ground next to the picnic bench. It was getting dark outside now, I watched the sky change colors, my favorite was when it gets that layered look, you know when the sky is purple, pale pink, yellow, and orange all at the same time. I didn't hear anyone come up, but then Seth was sitting beside me.

"I'm sorry" I said through my tears, I wasn't sorry about what I said, but I was sorry about how it hurt my family.

" It's o.k. mom thought it was brave of you to do that, she knew you wanted to, she knew yo had issues with dad, she said she wishes she was that brave." Seth was rubbing my arm trying to comfort me, but it really wasn't helping. Wait a second! Sam said mom was a wreck!

" Wait, Sam said mom was in tears because of what I said!" I was getting angry again.

" No, god, mom is amazingly strong, she was even laughing a little. She said you resemble dad more and more very day." Seth sounded confused. Well that made 2 of us!

" I am going to kill Sam! No, he will gladly take death when I am through with him!" I growled.

Seth started to laugh at the actual possibility of that. I may be a new wolf, and he may be the "Alpha" but we both know I can kick his ass!


	7. Chapter 7

I hadn't gotten all the way under when I felt something warm on my body. Ugh! I am trying to die here! Let me be! I was being pulled out of the water, I could hear voices around me.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! THE PACK WAS HERE!!!!!!!!!!! CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't find my muscles to move my body. My head was being cradled and my body was laying on a flat surface. I could feel the gash on my torso, it hurt extremely bad! But it was healing quickly, so it would be over soon. I could make out some of what people were saying.

" First Bella now Leah, what is this, jump off the cliff to your death month!" I heard Jacob, it was coming from behind me, I could feel his body moving as he talked. He was the one who pulled me out of the water. My cut was healing quickly, I was regaining my strength, I felt an extreme relief in my chest as I took one long breath, my fist since I jumped.

I felt 4 sets of hands examining my body, pulling at skin, and one was just poking my side, it was aggravating me, I couldn't find my voice. I was trying to find the muscles in my body to move any part of my body, I could barely get my chest up to breath. I felt so helpless, a feeling I did not enjoy. Then I heard the one voice that pieced through my body and made it twitch.

Seth, he was yelling at me through tears, well I wouldn't call it yelling, he was trying to yell , but he was too relieved that I was o.k.

Why couldn't these stupid wolves stay out of my business, how did they know to find me anyway, this isn't the usual cliff they jump off of, and it's kind of hidden from normal view. Why did they have to find me, I mean, I _was_ doing them a favor!

I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but no sound came out of my mouth. I couldn't find anything, I was utterly helpless, and most of all…I was scared. What if I actually died? But wasn't that what I wanted? I am confused, SO confused.

Something touched my stomach, it felt so good, it made my muscles relax. AH HA! I found them! Someone with warm hands touch my arms and legs!!!!!!

It was like I was actually saying these things out loud. The same person started to touch one of my arm's, I think he was checking to make sure nothing was actually hurt. I didn't know who it was, and it was scary, it was all scary. I didn't know what got into me thinking to kill myself. I am amazingly freaked out right now, I'm scared, and worried and ashamed, and embarrassed. I want to just run off into the forest, but I still can't find my legs, and I don't know how to use my arms. Suddenly I hear my mom, she is crying, and sounds incredibly worried.

My body jerks into motion and I'm on my feet within seconds. Everyone gasps when they see me move so quickly, and when I dart into the forest they gasp at the huge bruise I'm guessing is on my back. I ate bruises, they don't heal as quickly. I keep running, I can't stop, and honestly, I don't want to.

My dress is soaked, but drying out quickly with my speed. I just want to be free, to be able to be Leah, not she-wolf, or bitter bitch, or ex-girlfriend, or obligation, or burden, or anything else. I'm tired of it, I've gotten my heart broken by multiple people, and I'm reminded of it every day. I cover up my hurt and pain, with sarcasm and bitchiness. I hurt too, I have feeling, and a heart, but it got broken and is trying to heal. Not very successfully though, I see Sam every day, hear his thoughts, the amount of time he spends fantasizing about Emily would be about the amount of time I spend thinking of ways to kill Emily, see how he likes it when your love just leaves you. I hear all the La push boys calling me a bitch, complaining about me to Sam, I know I bring it on myself, but if this happened to you, you would want to push some of it off on someone else. I am utterly unwanted, by anyone, a lot of the time, even my own mother.

I should make a list, **WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD BE**. That'll go over well Leah! I snort. I've slowed down, but I'm still a blur to human eyes. I can hear people running after me, but I have a head start and I'm the fastest. I pick up my speed, it's easier to think in wolf form, but I don't want to hear the rest of them, I don't want to know what they think of me right now. I don't need another tear to my self confidence; it's barely survived this long. I wonder if I'll hit a tree. I laugh lightly, I can try, but I bet my instincts will move me out of the way. I'm calm, which is weird for what just happened, and the fact that I'm on the run.

It starts to rain, it feels so good on my body. Running in the rain? I never thought so much fun could come from something so blank. I use to love to splash in puddles when I was little, I use to love the rain, the magic of it, the wonder of the phenomenon. I stop in a clearing, the rain is coming down, I just want to be free, for just one second. I run through the tree line and splash in a puddle. I start to giggle and run into more of the rain. I twirl in circles, I can hear the rain mixed in with my laughter. I run around like I'm a little kid again, laughing, care free, and happy. I feel to my knees, I was having the most fun I've had in almost a year, just playing in the rain. I got back up and went to see if I could climb a tree, I went to a sturdy branch and crawled out to the edge, I jumped and did a flip in the air, I landed on my feet in a puddle, it made a huge splash, I laughed even harder.

I heard a chuckle coming from the edge of the forest. I looked and found Seth standing right at the edge of the forest. I blushed and laughed even harder, I skipped over to him and grabbed his arm. I wanted to share my new found joy with him, he had a frown permanently ironed onto his face lately. He laughed and came with me, we started to splash around in puddles and twirl in circles. He tried to catch rain drops on his tongue. I had to laugh, he looked like a dog-I realize the irony- he looked at me and I laughed even harder.

We played like that for a while, just enjoying the rain, and enjoying being happy for once, in a very long time.

We were walking home in the pouring rain, completely soaked, and we had no idea which way was home, we were trying to hear, or smell something that would tell us we're on the right track, but the rain is too loud, and has washed away any scent. We are still having fun in the rain, we're actually acting like 3 year old, splashing each other, and seeing who can catch the most rain drops in one minute. I was having so much fun. I could see light, and that was where we we're headed, with a couple detours.

We were getting towards the edge of the forest, I knew we were at La Push because I could see my bag of clothes that I kept hidden in case of accidental phasing emergencies, we don't want any more repeats. I could feel my body getting really tired, really fast. There was one thing I had to do, I had to apologize to Jacob. He was trying to help, and I hit him and screamed, he was only trying to be nice.

Why did he have to be so nice though, why did he care? I don't need a man to save me, I can do perfectly fine on my own. I am independent, and just trying to look out for myself because no one else will. We reach the front porch and my mom isn't home. That's weird, she usually is always home. Huh, I wonder what the dweeb wants for dinner; I'll ask him before I go to Jacob's.

I go into my room and turn on my lamp, I broke my over head lights last week when I got curious. I plopped down on my floor, and started to remove my clothes. I put on the robe that's hanging on my door and walk over to my closet. I grab out one of my way oversized sweat shirts and my gray sweat pants. I was too tired to do anything else. I was thinking about going over to Jacob's tomorrow morning to apologize instead of tonight, but then I would end up backing out because of some excuse that wasn't even real. I went down stairs and Seth was on the couch watching Kung Fu Panda, yes a 15 year old werewolf was watching Kung Fu Panda. Not that I have anywhere to talk, I've seen it like 5 times. Anyway, I went to the counter and found a note from our mom, next to a hot cocoa mug. That's where Seth must have gotten it.

_Hey guys, _

_I went out to help Charlie find Bella, apparently she disappeared to go help her ex-boyfriend Edward, and Charlie is freaking out. You guys are on your own for diner, sorry about that! I made hot chocolate though, figured you guys could use some of my home made hot chocolate right now! If it's cold put it in the heater for 1 minute and 17 seconds!_

_Love you guys so much,_

_Mom_

I decided to go right now to apologize to Jacob, then I'll make diner and watch a movie with the Seth.

" Hey, I've got something I need to take care of real quick, then I'll make dinner, okay? Think about what you want, I'll be right back!" I shouted as I started to walk from the kitchen to the door. "Don't burn the house down while I'm gone."

"That was you!" He shouted at me, I am a curious person, and the axe bottle was just asking for it.

I battled the rain, and ran under the protection of the houses, when I arrived at Jacob's I was barely wet. I knocked on the door, he answered, and looked majorly pissed off. Was that because of me? Wait! Bella went to find her leech, that's probably why he's mad. It was a pretty bad storm outside now, thunder, lighting, rain drops about the size of my foot. I was going to have to raise my voice for him to hear me.

I lifted my hood of my head.

"Thank you, I don't know what makes you think that you need to save me, because I don't need to be saved, but you somehow seem to know when I need you, and where I need you, and you're the only person who can actually say the right words to calm me down. I know you hate me, and I still hate you" I laughed, you gotta love irony " but you really helped me the day my dad died, and you saved me from a really stupid lapse of judgment, and then I freaked out on you and hit you. I ran, because I'm scared, and I'm sorry. But just so you know, I don't always need you, and I don't like you, and to be fair, everyone was warning you about Bella." I'm really trying, I can't be nice for a long period of time, I don't know why, but I just have to put something mean in there.

" Thanks for your advice queen of BITCH! But I don't need your advice, and I really don't care. You go back to being a total raging bitch, and I'll go back to being the better of the two of us, I mean look at you, you can't say something nice to someone without putting them down, and you can't go a day without making someone wish they were dead, and you like misery because you think it's better than feeling hope than being let down, I know I already said it…..but look at you, you look awful, and you are just such a miserable, lonely, shrew who will end up alone, No wonder Sam left you."

HE DID NOT JUST GO THERE!!!! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!!!!

I am trembling, very dangerously close to phasing.

"LISTEN YOU MISERABLE ASS HOLE!! I WAS TRYING TO APOLOGIZE, I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN DOING THE WORLDS BEST JOB, BUT I WAS TRYING, AND YOU DEFINANTELY CROSSED A LINE. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SAM AND ME! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! MAYBE I WILL END UP ALONE, BUT THAT IS DEFINANTELY NOT OK FOR YOU TO SAY!! THAT'S LIKE ME TELLING YOU THAT BELLA DITCHED YOU THE FIRST CHANCE SHE GOT, AFETR YOU PUT HER TOGETHER AGAIN, AND MADE HER HALF WAY HIMAN AGAIN, AND THEN SHE LEFT, LIKE EVERYONE SAID SHE WOULD, FOR THE BLOODSUCKERS!!! OH WAIT! THAT JUST HAPPENED!" I snarled! How dare that ungrateful jack ass!

I was still trembling, even more than before, I ran under the forest, it was dry; the tree's covered it up so the rain wouldn't get to it.

I got undressed, I was going to phase within seconds, my whole body was trembling with anger, it was even hotter than usual. I put my clothes in my in case of emergency bag and phased. I was surprised to find someone else phased. Embry, he usually is never phased unless he has to be. He doesn't like this, he hates his temper.

_Are you done with your inner monologue?_

_Sorry, my bad_ I wasn't thinking

_Wait, back up, did you just apologize?_

Crap! I did didn't I! At least I apologized the right way to somebody.

_What does that mean?_ I could hear the edge in his voice, the one person who hates me more than Jacob would probably be Embry, what with him being the center of my bitchy comments, and Sam, but he deserves it.

I replayed what just happened in my head. I could hear Embry's jerk face comments at certain parts, I tried to ignore them. When it came to when I made my Bella comment, Embry started to laugh

_What?_

_Nothing, you just verbally kicked him in the goodies! I was waiting for you to actually kick him in the goodies!_ He was replying when some girl he was fighting with at school kicked him where the sun don't shine, because he was being a "butt face" to her. I laughed.

_So why are you phased, who pissed you off?_

_I did, I was thinking about how many times you've pissed me off, all the jokes you've made at me, and then I realized how true they are, and I just randomly got pissed off. I can't believe Bella just ditched Jake like that though! I mean, she looked like ass when Sam found her that night, when I first met her, she looked absolutely terrible, she just barely looked human again before she left. Did Jake tell you she jumped off a cliff, I have no idea why, she said she wasn't trying to kill herself or anything, she was just bored. _

I started to think about when I jumped off a cliff, how much fun I had in the rain, Embry burst into laughter, he thought I was a dork. CRAP!!!!!! Seth!!!

_Shut up! I have to go! Because my mother actually cares if I come home or not!_

That was another low blow, Embry got angry

_I hate you, miserable bitch!_

_Hate you too, fatherless bastard!_ I ran away to phase, I got on my clothes. I was all dry, and so were my clothes. I don't know how, but the rain somehow totally avoids this part of the woods. I put on my clothes. I was feeling a sense of calm wash over me. Phasing makes me feel better, I wish it wasn't the only thing that could make me feel better. I ran home and Seth was still on the couch, well sort of. He was sprawled out, most of his body slumped onto the floor, I laughed, I walked over and nudged him with my foot.

" Dweeber! Wake up!" I kept nudging him.

" go away!" seth managed to mumble, if I didn't have super hearing I wouldn't have heard him.

" come on! I want food! Mom just went shopping!" I was in the kitchen searching through our fridge.

I found Hamburger, I could make some hamburger. I turned to the freezer. I found bacon, Ooh I can make bacon cheeseburgers! Yummy!

" hey loser! I'm making Bacon cheeseburgers, get your butt in here and tell me what you want on it!"

Within 30 seconds Seth was right in front of me sitting on a chair. His hair was messed up and his eyes were huge! I laughed really hard, he looked like a 4 year old waiting for a pudding!

I made the food, and we ate at the counter, we actually talked, like brother-sister talk. We made fun of each other and we talked about mom, and food, and how I am always at Emily's house because Sam always has us meet there! I actually had to go there a couple of weeks ago for 6 hours because Sam wanted to meet about our pack attitude. *cough* me *cough*. Emily made muffins and sand witches and stuff like that. I was a good sport, I ate them without making any comments, and I sucked it up when Sam kissed Emily for like 3 minutes ( no I was not counting, Quil made a crack about it) but when he directed attitude adjustments right at me, he even said my name. I went off. I stormed out of the house, and accidentally broke the front of her door. I took the door off his hinges, and pulled out part of the wood in my anger.

I don't have problems with my temper when it's just the guys, but when Sam or Jacob start to say something, it just gets to me. I don't know why. I mean, I'm still not over Sam, and it kills every time he tells me too go away, and every time he wishes I would just disappear, but Jacob. I don't know. I wonder f it's some Alpha thing. Jacob is suppose to be the Alpha, but he doesn't want it, so Sam is that Alpha. I think that might be it, anyway. I had fun with Seth. We watched a bunch of movies and put whatever we could find and put it on ice cream sundae's, I ate popcorn, ice cream, gummy fish, m and m's and whip cream all in one bite. I put them in my mouth one by one. I was squirting the whip cream in Seth's mouth when I moved my hand and it got all over his face, I thought it was pretty hilarious, but then he just put down all the junk food and we started to fight. My mom walked in on me and Seth with ice cream all over the couch. We had to clean it up, it was really funny. We were laughing the whole time. My mom watched a movie with us and made kettle corn.

All in all, it was a good day!


	8. Chapter 8

**I HATE SCHOOL WITH A BURNING PASSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALTHOUGH I HAVE BEEN SICK FOR 3 DAYS THIS WEEK!!!!!!!! LOLL!!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!! HERE'S MY NEW CHAPTER!!!!!!! HOPE YOU LIKE IT!!!!!!!!! I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S GOING REALLY FAST, BUT I'M GOING TO DO AN AFTER BREAKING DAWN (WHICH I THINK JACOB AND LEAH SHOULD HAVE ENDED UP TOGETHER!) AND I AM DOING A DIFFERENT ENDING BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT ALL ENDED LIKE THAT!!!!!!!**

A month later, I'm still here, all alone, and not phasing. Sam called a meeting awhile ago, Bella's bloodsuckers were back, so we have patrols and stuff to do. I am turning 19 next week, but no one really cares, I even think Seth forgot. I am thinking of going back to the cliff ( no, not to kill myself) I always feel better there. But I have to go to Emily and Sam's house today (ugh! Emily and Sam, that should be me!) for wedding plans. Sam is running patrols so we are doing dress shopping, I don't know how exactly we are going to do that, seeing as no one is likely to get past the La Push border with vampires being back, and Sam running patrols with Jared. I am not really a big fan of Jared, I have nothing against him as a person, I just don't like being around imprinted people. I mean with Quil, it's even worse, he isn't even thinking about her romantically, he is always thinking about fun games she might like, him playing peek-a-boo with her for 3 freaking hours and not getting bored! The main reason that I don't like being around them is because I'm jealous, although I would never actually say that, and the pack has learned not to rummage around in my head anymore.

So basically, my day is going to suck! Right now, I am getting ready to go to Emily's house, I have on my basic camisole and shorts and my hair is put in tiny little pigtail/braids that I think look kind of 4 year old, but they're still pretty cute. I finish up my make-up and go to the shoe section of my closet to grab some flip flops. I really don't need them, but it would be weird if I weren't wearing flip flops in the middle of the fall. I mean, I get enough stares wearing shorts and being like 6 feet tall, plus I will be around people who don't know about werewolves!

I walked downstairs grabbed a Gatorade and headed towards Emily's house. It wasn't a long walk, about 10 houses down, 2 minutes with my new speed. I find it annoying that Emily is taking two years to plan her wedding, I mean, it's La Push, there's not much to plan.

I was too busy thinking to hear Paul come up behind me. He touched my shoulder and I jabbed my elbow into his stomach.

" Holy Crap Leah!!" he was breathless.

" I didn't hear you, my bad!" I smirked, I thought it was kind of funny.

" We have to meet up with the pack at 2." He was still holding his stomach, I was pretty impressed with myself.

" Why?" I was irritated.

" We have to go to some vampire training thing, for the battle."

"what battle?" I was confused, what battle with vampires?

" The new born bloodsucker one, they're after Bella, but no one really cares, we get to kill some leech's !" He was still breathless, how hard did I hit him? Oh well, he was excited about the vampires.

" right, I'll be sure to be there." I walked away, I was getting excited too, I had totally forgotten about the fight while I was thinking about Emily and her wedding.

I had reached her house, my palms were getting sweaty. I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked to the door. Kim opened the door before I even lifted my hand to knock. She looked extremely surprised to see me.

She looked back into the house, " Looks like you owe me 30 dollars Ashley!" She yelled back at someone who was in the house. That was not o.k. They were making bets about me.

" Going to make me stand out here until you make some more money, or are you going to stop Talking about me when I'm not here and let me in?" I spat, I put my hand on my hip, and raised my eyebrows.

Kim rolled her eyes and moved out of the way so I could come in. The same look that Kim had on when she first saw me, was on all of these girls faces. I grunted, rolled my eyes, and went to sit at the chair next to a girl I didn't know.

She kept staring at me, wasn't it impolite to stare, or did that just not apply to this situation.

" I guess I do owe you 30 bucks, Kim." She looked away from me (finally) and reached into the pocket of her way to tight jeans. So she was Ashley, I was disgusted. I got up and moved to a different chair.

" I'm sorry, I know you don't want to be here, I know that they are being really rude, I can't help it, and I really appreciate that you're here, and you haven't broken the chair yet." Emily whispered in my ear as I took the seat next to her, we both laughed at the memory.

FLASHBACK********************************************

" Emily, no, I will not!" My cousin Emily was visiting for the next month, she was bored, so she decided to play Barbie with me. Now she wanted to go out. This is so un-like Emily, she is quiet and sweet and sickeningly innocent. But then again she just broke up with her 2 year boyfriend, Scott, because he was cheating on her with her best friend. **ironic right!?!?!?!?! **So I was nailed to one of the island bar stools. Emily was eating brownie batter from the pan, it was kind of funny, she kept going cross eyed looking at the batter on the spoon.

She came closer to me, pan still in hand.

" Come on! Sam won't mind! It's not like I'm asking you to sleep with anyone, I'm just bored!" She was whining at me. She grabbed my arm and tried to pull me from my seat. It broke under the pressure, I fell to the floor on top of the broken chair. Taking Emily and the brownie batter down with me.

The batter went flying on top of me and Emily, we got drenched in 2 bags of brownie batter. We were laughing.

" Take this!' Emily yelled and gave me a huge hug, which covered the oarts of my body that were'nt drenched, in brownie batter.

" Bring it on!" Me and Emily started to have a brownie batter fight, we were wrestling ( yes, still drenched in brownie batter, no this is not going to turn into a lesbian scene) when my brother and his best friend Jeremy walked into the disastrous kitchen.

" God Bless America!" Jeremy said under his breath.

Me and Emily froze at the sound of his words, we looked up to find an amused Seth, and a……..I don't know what he was feeling…..Jeremy.

We burst into laughter, rolling to opposite sides of the little room we had between the island and the counter.

END OF FLASHBACK********************

"Now all we need is brownies!" I giggled, not remembering what happened in the past year for a second.

Everyone froze at my words, no one expected me to talk, let alone laugh. Emily was in tears laughing beside me, and I was laughing a little. But then I was brought back down to earth by the realization of where I was, and why.

I sat there quietly for the rest of the day. Emily had brought basically the entire bridal department of the mall in Seattle, to her little house. I tried on multiple dresses, putting in my comments on ones I didn't like. My favorite was the peachy/pink dress with the loose bottom, or the dark red, kind of sexy, dress that was strapless.

A girl I didn't know laughed when I said I liked the red dress, it was her favorite also. All day I felt like I was an exhibit in a museum. All the girls would whisper and point all day long at me, thinking I couldn't hear them.

People still weren't leaving and it was midnight, and I was getting really pissed off, whenever I would say something even partially nice, one of the girls (who didn't even know me at all!) would say something totally bitchy, like they were me. Does no one know what the story is behind me being a bitch? I decided I decided to ask Emily.

I got up from the floor and went to the chair Emily was sitting in. Of course, any motion that came from me made everyone's conversations stop, and all eyes would be on me.

" Do they know the story behind you and Sam?" I questioned, letting some of the acid leak into my voice.

"Kim does." She stated. WHAT!!!! I know Kim does, retard! Te one person who has been relatively nice to me, but also pretty bitchy, she is Jared's imprint, and I do make some pretty bad jokes towards him.

" Well no duh Kim does! So that's why people keep making crude comments towards me! I have barely said anything mean, what did you tell them?" my whole body was shaking, I was dangerously close to phasing.

" Well, I told them that Sam was your ex-boyfriend, that you broke up with him a year before he asked me out, but you still had feelings for him, so you got angry when he asked me out." He was clipping it, she was scared I was going to phase in her house, in front of her friends. I was scared too, but for worse reasons. If I phased, I would probably kill 85 percent of the people in here, the rest would get away, or get a good hiding spot.

" GREAT!!! SO EVERYONE THINKS I'M THE BITCH IN THIS SENARIO!!!" I was yelling at the top of my lungs, everyone could hear me.

" Calm down Leah, I just didn't want to seem like the bad guy" she was trying to calm me down, this did not help, " It's not like I could tell them about imprinting" She whispered at a volume only I would be able to hear.

" yah, but you mad me seem like an even more of a raging bitch than I should be!" I was tired of being the bad guy, I stormed out of the house, I phased right on the street, and I was doing so good, I had gone a couple weeks without phasing accidentally! I took off into the forest, I have about an hour and a half before all of the other wolves start to phase.

I run to the little clearing in the woods, I would have run to the cliff, but I'm afraid I'll do something stupid.

I make it to the clearing, and am getting really frantic. I grab some clothes from my bag and phase. I realize I am crying uncontrollably. My heart was squeezing. It felt like it was being pulled in different directions and then being poked with needles. It was getting hard to breath, and I was hitting the ground with my fist, my knuckles we're bleeding, and infested with dirt. I was feeling dizzy, my head was spinning. I felt someone phase, but then I passed out.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

" Wake up! Come on Leah, please wake up!!" I heard a voice say, my head hurt really bad.

I was having troubles breathing, and my heart felt like it had been cut into 7 different pieces. I opened my eyes to find Sam almost crying. I was so excited, my Sam.

"Sam?" my voice was breathless.

Then all of it came back to me, heartbreak, werewolf, wedding.

"Sam!" I started to lift up my hand to swat him away when he leaned in to kiss me. I melted at his mouth, but then I realized he wasn't mine. My hand was swatting at him, trying to get him off of me.

When he finally got off of me, I slapped him across the face. He smiled at me, and leaned in again. I put my hand to his face, making a loud smacking sound.

" What the hell! Are you trying to piss me off, or are you trying to piss off Emily." At the mention of Emily, he clicked.

" Shit! Emily! I totally forgot!" I made him forget about Emily! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH!!!! I tried not to let my excitement show on my face.

" Yah, Emily, your imprint, the one you love oh so much!" I gave him an annoyed look and wiped the back of my hand over my lips like a 6 year old.

" What happened?" he was looking at me like I was the only one in the world, the way he used to look at me.

" I don't know. I was at Emily's and she pissed me off, then I phased n accident, I came here, phased back, started to have troubles breathing, and passed out. What time is it?" I didn't want to tell him why I was pissed off, but I knew he was going to ask.

" What did she do? And it's 1: 52." He had a watch on, that was weird, he never wears a watch anymore.

" all of her friends were making nasty comments, like mine, and I didn't even say anything, they were whispering about me, and pointing and laughing. I asked her why they were doing that and she told me it was because she told them that you were my ex-boyfriend, that I broke up with you a year before you asked her out, but I still had feelings for you, so I got angry when you asked her out. Then she said it was because she didn't want to seem like the bad person, and she couldn't tell them about imprinting. So I got pissed and stormed out."

Before he could answer me everyone started to phase, wolves were coming into the clearing. I turned to where they would all be, everyone stopped as soon as they got past the tree line. They were all staring at me, it was kind of creepy, they were looking me up and down.

"What?" I was confused, and a little ticked off

" Leah, look down." I did as Sam said and looked down, it was the ground. I raised my eyebrows.

"you phased on accident, and shredded your clothes, then you-" I understood what he was saying immediately.

"OH MY GOD!"

I darted past Paul and Embry and ran a little bit into the forest to phase. Once I phased I went back to the boys. I quickly realized they were all thinking of me naked.

_OK! I WILL HURT WHOEVER THINKS ABOUT ME THAT WAY NEXT! NOT KIDDING!!_

That made everyone think about me even more!

_Dude! That's my sister! _ Seth thought towards Paul, who was having sick and twisted fantasies.

_I warned you! _I charged Paul, but Jared but my flanks and pulled me back.

No one had stopped thinking about me, I could feel, and hear Seth's discomfort.

_STOP! THIS IS MY SISTER! _His thoughts were directed at Sam. Everyone's focus went to Sam.

He was having a memory, not a fantasy. It was the first time me and Sam had sex. I was blindfolded, he was taking me somewhere special, I just didn't know where we were going, when he took of the blind fold , we were in a hotel, with the key to the presidential suite.

We went swimming, we were playing in the pool and the hot tub, then we went back to the hotel room, and he sneaked up on me in the shower…… you can guess what happened next.

_OK! LIKE I HAVE SAID BEFORE! MY SISTER, AS IN MY FAMILY, AS IN I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR FANTASIES, AND I DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT ISN'T FANTASY!_

Sam's fantasy's got everyone worked up, that spurred on more fantasies. I was getting pissed off. I sneaked up behind Paul, and jumped on him, taking him down! I threw him into a tree.

_Who's next!_ I thought menacingly.

Everyone tried to stop thinking about me, and it mostly just moved to the back of their minds. We all had to go to this vampire fighting training session, I honestly don't know why we all had to go, couldn't one of us go( cough cough Jacob cough cough) and then he can run through the rest of it in their minds.

_Because they're dangerous, they could hurt him._

_Oh we both know they would never hurt me! And I would gladly go all by myself_ Jacob was a little miffed he couldn't go all by himself.

We were headed to a clearing somewhere, and I was having a conversation with Seth. All of a sudden, someone started to invade my mind. I was irritated, and I didn't know who was invading my mind.

_What the hell! Who is snooping around in my mind!_

_Sorry! I knew something was wrong, and I wanted to know what!_ Came Seth. He has been really irritated with me, if he wasn't my brother, he would be completely against me.

_Nothing! If I wanted you to know, I would have told you! So butt out!___

He didn't butt out; he just kept looking around inside my head. I tried to block out the whole Sam thing, it didn't work.

_HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!! HE DID WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?_

_NOTHING! Just stay out!!!_

_What?_ Quil asked.

_Nothing that's any of your business!! Now just butt the hell out! ALL OF YOU! _ This was seriously pissing me off.

_What are you guys yelling about!_ Sam asked

_Something huge is bugging Leah, but she won't tell us, Seth knows, but they've blocked it out or something! It's not fair!_ Jared complained.

_Leah, just tell them what's wrong, we're almost there, and one of them can read minds, we don't need them thinking we're un-fit. _

_Trust me Sam, you of all people don't want anyone to know_. Stated, he really did not want anyone to know.

_I honestly don't care whatever the hell is bugging you, so get on with it and tell us! _ Well, he asked for it. So I replayed the kiss that happened earlier. Everyone was shocked, they were all thinking bad things about him, and totally forgot about me naked.

I had a sense of smugness.

_Bitch! _ Sam thought

_You did it, and you wanted me to tell everyone what was making me nauseous, so don't call me a bitch! You're engaged, and you kissed me! Man whorre!_

The rest of the night was really boring, stupid mind reading vamp was invading everyone minds. We all sat on the grass and watched the emotion fucking leech fight the rest of the bloodsuckers.

When I got home I collapsed on my bed, during the run home, Sam yelled at me for yelling at Emily, I tried to attack him, but Jared and Jacob held me back, much to my struggling. One of them had his teeth on my flanks and the other one was restraining me, what can I say, they're bigger than me.

My mom was already sleeping, and Seth was playing video games with Embry and Jacob downstairs. I didn't get undressed or anything, I just laid on top of my covers, alone with my own misery.

Why did Sam have to kiss me? Why did he have to love Emily? Why did the world hate me?

Why did the world hate me?!?!?!?!?!?

**LOLL!!! **

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING TWILIGHT, IF I DID WHY WOULD I BE WRITING FAN FICTION!!!!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**HEY HEY HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I WOULD MURDER WHOEVER THOUGHT OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**I WAS LOST ABOUT HOW TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Today was the big day! We get to fight some vampires! I am super psyched! I have to phase in 3 hours to go to the clearing again!

Apparently the story behind the fight is that a couple years ago Edward and his family killed a vamp who was after Edward and tried to kill Bella, so his mate, Victoria has assembled an army of newborn vampires and are sending them here to kill Bella, so she can get revenge.

I am sitting in the kitchen eating pizza my mom made, it was really good. I was feeling kind of sad though, I mean, I have been sitting here all day, as I do every day, while other people have lives. I have no friends since I became a raging bitch. I am all alone, god I say that too much, I am such a miserable bitch.

_Hey Paul! When was your last girlfriend? _ I knew the answer too my own question. He started to think about it for a while. He realized it was an extremely

I got up and went to my room and grabbed my blue bikini and headed into the bathroom to change. I looked in the mirror at myself. My russet skin was kind of golden today, it looked really gorgeous. I walked into the hallway to the linen closet and grabbed a towel. I ran out the door to first beach. It was fall, so no one would be at the beach. It was actually a nice day out, the sun was out, it was sort of warm, and kind of dry.

I ran all the way to the beach, I set my towel on the sand and slowly walked into the water. It was cold, but I really couldn't feel it. The water was up to my ribs, my eyes were closed and my head was tilted back. The water relaxed me, it felt good, I like cold water better than warm water. I bent my knees and went under the water. I came up and wringed out my hair. I was going under the water, it was extremely relaxing. For a minute I just stood there, looking into the sky. I heard Sam howl, that meant we all had to come. How did 3 hours pass in what seems like 3 minutes.

I got out of the water and wrapped my towel around me. I really didn't want to phase, but I had too. Get to kill some vamps, tear em' apart and burn the pieces! I was getting extremely excited. I went to my clothes stash and took off my bathing suit. I phased and was immediately assaulted with everyone's excitement, I staggered back a couple steps.

_HERE COMES LEAH!!!!!!!!!_ Why the hell was Paul so excited to see me?

He showed me playing in the water, god he is such a perv, and a peeping Tom. I feel kind of violated.

_Oh boo hoo! You looked like a freakin beer commercial, and I wasn't peeping, I was taking a walk. For being such a bitch, you are pretty hot. _

_Hey Paul, when was your last girlfriend? _ I knew the answer to my own question. Paul was trying to think, and when he resalized it was 3 years ago he got defensive.

_Shut up, whorre!_

_And when was the last time you had sex? _ I know it was pushing it, but it was fun.

_Shut the fuck up! When was the last time you had sex? _

Before I could answer him Sam cut in, I guess because he didn't want me to answer that question.

_Will you guys shut up! Lets get this show on the road!_

_Where's Jacob? _ Jared asked.

_He's already there, with Bella and Edward. _ Sam replied.

I realized Seth was phased, him, Brady and Collin were supposed to stay here on the rez!

_WHAT THE HELL SETH! YOU BETTER NOT BE FIGHTING TODAY! IF YOU ARE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO KICK YOUR ASS RIGHT HERE! YOU BETTER NOT! I WILL RELEASE HELL ON YOU!!!!! _I was frantic, I was extremely worried! What the hell was he doing!

_Calm down Leah! They won't let me, I'm a your walkie talkie. I'm going to stay phased and be your guys' walkie talkie. _ He was pretty peeved, he wanted in on the action.

_Oh thank god! _ I sneakily thanked Sam, while the rest of the pack was thinking about murdering some parasites.

We were all headed to the clearing, and Sam sent Seth of in the direction Bella, Edward and Jacob were. I was behind Paul, and him-being him- was thinking perverted things about me Jared was mentally rolling his eyes, so Paul made a fantasy about Kim. Jared headed for Paul, but I bit his flank and dragged his ass back beside me. He was angry.

_How do you think it is for me? _ I laughed and hit Jared with my foot, he was slacking behind me.

_Whatever Leah! _ He was brooding, I could feel his anger, and I welcomed it, better than feeling my own.

_Why don't you shut the fuck up Jared! We all get re-plays of you and Kim-much to my discomfort- and you have fantasies about me! So just shut up, and stop pouting, your such a baby! _ I ran forward, I decided to go stand next to Paul.

_You're a real pervert you know that? _ He started to think of something that was illegal, and involved me, and some pills. I hit him and he flew into Sam, they both got knocked off their feet.

The rest of the pack laughed, I kind of felt bad. I didn't mean to hurt Sam, Paul and his fantasies got out of line. I would never actually let anyone know I still love Sam, and the pack has learned not to snoop around in my mind, not the best place to be, and I would kick their ass in a second once I found out who it was.

_My bad! _ I thought sarcastically, I started to run forward, I really didn't want to face the aftermath of Paul's ego. He would try and fight back, then we would get yelled at, then I would get pissed off, then I would storm off into the forest and phase and leave. I reached the opening towards the clearing 6 minutes before the rest of the pack. The excitement from earlier today was back, and much, much more vocal.

_We got this! There are 7 of us, and we have our own bitch too! _ Paul, I should have guessed.

_Yah! Hey everyone, want to know what I walked in on last week! _ I turned to look at Paul. _ Want to test me?_

_No! _

_What'd you walk in on?!?!?!_ Seth asked. He was almost to the top of the hill.

_Nothing that you need to know, just remember not to fuck with me Paul, or anyone, I have a secret for every single one of you!_ I looked around at the rest of the wolves.

_What do you have on me? _ Sam asked condescendingly. He had no idea.

_Now's not the right time to push me Sam, and I have a hell of a lot on you! I went through High school with you! You told me everything. Whether you wanted to or not! Do NOT cross me! _ I warned Sam and walked closer to the leeches.

I wanted to talk to someone who won't think perverted things about me, _Paul! _ Or who wouldn't yell at me and say I'm a bitch, _Sam! _

I was thinking about random things, ways to kill Paul, ways to incapacitate Sam, the usual.

Jacob came and stood next to me, I didn't even know he had come down, or phased. God, I was unobservant.

_Yah! Maybe it's because you are always thinking about yourself, or how to hurt other people! Maybe if you tried to be nice, it might help with your social skills._ Jacob said.

_My social skills are fine, how many friends do you have outside the pack….one? _ He was scowling at me.

_Butt out! Why do I have to keep saying that today! First Paul, then Seth, then Sam, now you! _ I scoffed.

Jacob was riding some kind of high, it made me curious. I slowly started to look around his mind.

_Now who needs to butt out! _ He didn't want to let me know, that made me want to know even more!

Then I found it.

_OH MY GOD!!! YOU KISSED BELLA!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! WAIT A SECOND!!!!!! NOW SHE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO STUPID!!!!!!!! _ UGH! This is sickening! He didn't stop thinking about bloodsucker boyfriend, and non-bloodsucker Bella. It was revolting, absolutely revolting. The kiss kept playing in his mind, over and over again. Retard Jacob had someone to love him, and I didn't! I tried to hide that from the rest of the pack, but the fury and the jealousy was slowly seeping through the cracks.

Suddenly everything got tense, I froze. What was going on? Blonde emotion fucking Cullen came over to us.

" They will be here in 2 minutes, get ready." His voice was tense and rigid. He walked back to his family, he and pixie vamp exchanged a kiss, and held hands. We all took our fighting positions. Everyone in the pack was on edge, we could smell the leeches, they did not smell appetizing.

Then a huge pile of bloodsuckers came through one patch of the forest.

_LET THE FUN BEGIN!!!!!!!! _ The whole pack thought together.

The swarm of vamps split up before they came in, Embry, Quil, Sam and Paul went to cut off the other half of the vamps, they split up before coming through the clearing.

It was Blonde Emotion boy, Pixie girl, huge buff vamp and blonde psychopath Vamp left with me, Jacob, and Jared.

The nasty smelling vamps charge us. I move out of the way as one comes towards me, I grabbed it's leg and dragged it back. It got on its feet quick enough, but I was quicker, as soon as it was up, I charged for its throat. Its head went rolling onto the grass, it made a very uncomfortable sound, like nails on a chalkboard. I went to ripping its limbs out from their sockets, I was having so much fun.

I got the head off of another vampire, but then I saw a flicker of something. I turned my attention away and saw a vampire sniffing up and walking in the direction Bella is hiding out.

I dropped the headless leech, and towards the other one. I charged its back and it turned too early, I shoved it up against a tree. It was struggling, and it got a kick in my gut, I blew back and it charged towards me. I danced out of the way and got it up against the tree again. I was ready to take off it's head.

_LEAH!!!!!!!! _ I turned my head at the sound of my name.

BIG mistake. The blood boy got out of my grasp and tried to get me. But fucking Jacob Black had to push m out of the way-when I was doing perfectly fine!- and the leech got it's arms around his right side and squeezed.

I had never heard so many cracks at one time, I had never heard such a piercing scream, and I had never felt this sickening feeling in my stomach.

I ran towards him and got the bloodsucker off of him, he was on the ground in agony, his whole right side had been completely shattered. The doctor vamp ran over as soon as he was finished with the rest of the nasty things attacking them.

It was hard to kill this fucking ass of a leech. It just refused to die; it was struggling while I was ripping at its flesh.

Everyone had come to help vamp doc and Jake, he was still whimpering in agony, I was wincing as the leech examined Jake, I could feel his pain, and that mixed with my own guilt and remorse was not a good feeling.

Carlizzle (**that' my awesome name for him! LOL thanks to Hannah! I know this was out of character, I just wanted to put it in here.)**

Jacob's bones had mostly healed, but in the wrong position. Vamp doc had to re-break his bones so they could heal correctly, the pissed of a lot of people off, and only made people's hate for them even worse (coughcoughSAMcoughcough) For me, it just made that feeling in my stomach get worse, and made me want to phase back, but not before running as far away from the clearing as I could get. I felt like sich a woos, **did I spell that right? Probably not! ** Like such a cop out. This was my fault, but then again, if he hadn't tried to save me, I would have gotten that leech easily. That thought did not stop the pain this was al causing me, almost everyone had phased back. I started to see if Seth was phased, he was, and he had friendly feeling towards Edward Cullen, he was dragging body parts to a burning fire. Oh! Seth had killed a vamp al by himself. I started to wrack his brain, he didn't seem to notice. So I found out that the red-head bitch that unleashed hell on us all was Victoria, and she diverted us al, trying to find Bella and kill her, she had a leech with her, to distract Edward, but to her disappointment, my baby brother Seth was there.

All of a sudden I heard the crack of Jacob's bones, the cry on pain, the feelings all came back to me. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that it was his fault, that all the evidence pointed to it being his stupid ego, or his need to make everything about him, but nothing could make that gut wrenching feeling go away, I felt this puking, and drowning myself.

I phased back to human, and ran as fast as I could away from La Push, away from Forks, just away from Washington. I had to get away, away from the heartache, the pain, the memories, anything that I have seen before.

I decided I was going to grab everything I owned, pack it all up, and run, run like hell, get away from here. I was going to enroll in college, take some yoga classes or something to help me with my temper, and I was going to start a new life.

I was home by then, no sign of anyone who would know me, so I grabbed shorts and a t-shirt, put them on, and ran into my house. I stormed into my room, and emptied out the entire contents of closet onto my bed. I went into the hallway and grabbed out a set of suitcases, I dragged them into my room and started to pack everything.

I needed more suitcases, I went back into the hallway and grabbed as many of the suitcases as my arms could carry, this was taking a lot longer than I thought it would. I needed to get out of here before anyone came home.

I packed up the rest of my stuff, grabbed my purse, all of my cash from the back shelf of my closet, grabbed my bag full of my products ( shampoo, conditioner, lotion, random pictures, etc.) and decided to change.

I grabbed out a jean skirt and a blue pullover, and headed into the bathroom. I threw my dirty clothes on the bed. I grabbed out my lipstick and wrote a note on my vanity mirror.

_Seth and mom,_

_I'm gone_

_Don't come after me_

_Don't want to be found_

_I'll come back when I'm ready_

_If ever_

_Don't be worried_

_Just need to be lost for a while_

_Remember what you always told me_

_Everybody wants to be happy, nobody wants to be in pain, but you can't have a rainbow without any rain._

_Wel, right now, I think that's total bullshit!_

_Unless you consider me being able to get my ass up every morning a rainbow_

_~Leah_

I took one last look at myself in the mirror, I looked like I was insane.

HA! Got to love irony!

I grabbed my phone and car keys of the kitchen counter and started to put my luggage in the trunk of my car, and then I started to put it in the middle seat. (I love my Lexus!) I only had two more carry on bags left to put in my car. I was feeling better, knowing I was getting out of here in a matter of minutes.

"LEAH!"

Shit! I spoke too soon!


	10. Chapter 10

**WARNING: LOTS OF LANGUAGE IN THIS CHAPTER!!! And violence!**

**I know this seems WAY out of character! But I thought it was necessary! I didn't like how I made Leah be somewhat nice to Emily! I DO NOT LIKE EMILY AT ALL!**

**SORRY ABOUT TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE! I STARTED A NEW STORY! CHECK IT OUT ON MY PROFILE!**

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! Why does Emily insist on ruining my life. She really is pissing me off lately/ I turned to her and gave her my best death glare.

"What the hell do you want Emily!" I spat, letting some venom seep into my voice. " Haven't you ruined enough for one lifetime? Or do you need to be even more of a disappointment?" I knew that was harsh, Emily's parents saw her as a disappointment and that became even more apparent after she started dating Sam, and got engaged. They knew how much I loved him, and how happy I was with him. They knew me and Emily were basically sisters, we had been inseparable for almost 6 years when Emily lived with her aunt. I knew it hurt her, and by the look on her face, I hit her hard.

"That was a low blow Leah." Emily whispered, her eyes were on the ground, and her shoulders were hunched.

_No Emmy, blowing is what you do, remember! _I shouldn't say that, that was wrong, and immoral. But then I remembered how much she ruined my life. Screw it!

" No Em, blowing is what you do, remember! Or did you forget the pack shares a mind." Emily stumbled backward, like I hit her in the gut. My mouth turned up in a sickening smile, I took a weird pleasure in bringing her pain.

"Where the hell do you think you're going!" she was changing the subject, I was hoping she would walk away and let me go.

"To Narnia!" I went a little heavy on the sarcasm, and I know it was a stupid thing to say, but it was a reflex reaction to Seth when he would catch me trying to sneak out, or doing something I shouldn't be doing.

"Seriously Leah! You're going to be like that! You are such a fucking bitch all the time, you can't except the fact that Sam doesn't love you anymore! and trust me, he doesn't love you! Or did you forget that the pack shares one mind!" What? Was that suppose to hurt or something, she obviously didn't know what has been going on the past couple of months.

"Hey Emily! Why don't you ask him about what happened before the fight! You might find that your facts are fake! Whorre!" I started to walk towards her; I got there in 3 long strides. I never realized how short she really was. I towered over her immediately, she shoved me, well she tried to shove me.

"I suggest you back off Emily, and leave me the hell alone." I whispered menacingly.

"Or else what Leah! You may be a wolf, but you're useless. The girly wolf. Good for nothing and no one!" Emily said with vehement hostility.

That did it! She crossed a line! I charged for her, she tried to move out of the way, but I stopped her in her tracks. She fell to the ground and I kicked her in the gut, sending her flying backwards about 4 feet. She got up and faltered slightly.

"That's the best you can do? I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed!" Emily challenged me. Pushing me further over the edge. My body was shaking violently, I was going to phase, then the whole pack would see Emily, see my plan to leave, and pretty much call me a bitch and other obscenities(Sam), yell at me for about 3 hours(Sam), piss me off(Sam), use his stupid alpha command and make me stay(Sam!), and I would be dead six times over!

I scoffed, "Honestly Emily, your insults and trash talk still cease to amaze me. That hurt me real deep, cut me deep down." I sighed sarcastically.

Emily came running at me, she seemed to be really slow compared to what I'm use too. I danced out of the way, and she fell forward, face first.

"No wonder your dad was ashamed of you! You'll never be good enough. It's not enough that Sam didn't love you, but you somehow managed to get your father to not love you either." Emily mumbled into the ground.

I was fuming, and I was going to phase right here, right now, and give Emily another set of scars, or I could kill her. Depends on how fast the pack could get here. Emily was twisting her legs to right herself and get up. I inched closer and rested my foot on her shin. She felt the touch of my foot and looked up at me with malice in her eyes.

I saw everything she's taken away from me, all the pain she's caused me, all the things she's said to me. My vision got sharper with my rage. I stepped, and heard that loud crack, followed by her screams and sobs. She somehow thought she was winning.

"Low Life Bitch! You have nothing!" Emily hissed. Did she honestly think I couldn't kill her right now!

I put more pressure on her snapped leg, she howled out in pain. I lifted my foot and struck Emily's jaw. She was wailing, but no tears came out of her eyes. She was panting, and I thought she had given up- admitted defeat

"Compassionless shrew! No wonder Sam doesn't love you!"Emily whimpered, but somehow it still sounded sharp and enraged me even more. She was playing on my fear. She knew it was a touchy subject for me. I would never find love again. If I was any good, Sam would have imprinted on me, not Emily. She also knew this, and she knew how vulnerable I was when it came to Sam, and our past. She knew how to get to me, but what I didn't get was why she was doing this when she knows how easily I could kill her.

"Come on Leah! You think that your better than me, you think that just because Sam loves me, and not you, that gives you a right to be bitter and a bitch. Well your wrong! As usual! You're alone because you are virtually un-lovable. Your own brother loves me more than you! First your dad, then Sam, now Seth. Who's next? Your mom? Wait no! She already thinks you have bad behavior towards me, and yet again, she takes my side in things! You have nothing left Leah! Just give it up!" Emily hissed. She was doubled over, clutching her leg, and trying not to move her jaw too much. I walked over to her.

"I am better than you Emily, and I always will be! I would never betray someone like you did me. Especially if we were as close as you and I use to be. I understand that Sam didn't have a choice, but you did! And you chose him! You don't get both Emily! And no matter how hard you try, or how much you want, you will never be me. Not to my brother, not to my mom, not to my dad, and especially not to Sam. At least I have the satisfaction of knowing he chose to love me. How does it feel knowing that if he could take it all back he would? How does it feel to know you're as shallow and heartless and you _think _I am? How does it feel knowing that Sam was forced to love you?" I retorted. I was feeling a sense of pride wash over me. I won, and everything I said was true. He had told me he would take it all back if he could. He was forced to love Emily. He did love me, even when he didn't have to. I smiled at my little revelation.

While I was busy thinking about all my new information, Emily had gotten up, and somehow limped over to smack me. I don't know how I didn't hear it. The only reason I knew she smacked me was because I saw her hand come down from my face, and a sickening smile spread across her face. I immediately hit her in the nose with the bottom of my hand. She immediately started to bleed, and she stumbled backwards, causing her to fall on her butt. I bent down and slapped her across the face.

She instinctively brought her hand up to her face, leaving her leg perfectly open. My foot wet smashing down on the same leg that I snapped. She cried out in pain, and she tried to crawl away from me. I over took her in 2 strides, and crashed both feet on her arched back. As I moved to her side, she tried to get up, raising her shoulder blades. I smashed my heel in the middle of her shoulder blades, and left it there. I leaned down, making sure not to met any pressure off of my foot.

"Don't ever mess with me again Emmy Bear," I used the nickname Sam made for her, sometimes reading his mind can be useful, keyword being some. "I won't hesitate to phase, and I will gladly loose control over my temper." I got up, and lifted my foot of her back.

I quickly ran into the forest and striped down. I phased. I wasn't surprised to find all of the boys phased, and extremely worried, they didn't notice I was here yet. I flashed a mental picture of Emily writhing in pain to get there attention.

_Go find your fiancée Sammy-boy! I hope to never see you again!_

I phased back immediately, not wanting to hear the thoughts, or the commands, or the names. I heard the wolves phase, they were running to where I was.

SHIT!!!! They weren't as far away as I had hoped! I quickly pulled on my shirt, and was frantically searching for my skirt.

I found it, and was desperately trying to put it on. I forgot about the zipper, pulled on my shoes, and ran like hell back to my car.

It was locked! Damn it to hell! Where are my keys! I looked inside my car and there they were, with my purse, and all my bags. I tried to open the door, to no avail. I went to the middle seat to try and open it, nothing. I ran to the trunk, and found Emily sitting in my trunk with a sickening smile on her face. She looked like shit. I heard the wolves come through the tree's. I looked over and there was the whole pack. Sam was shooting me death glares, and Paul was…….. ph my god! He was laughing!

I didn't feel like facing them, and they were running full speed towards me. I quickly ran into my house. Locking the door, and for the first time since we ever had this house, I locked the bolts. I ran to the backdoor. Shutting the 2 screens(locking tem both) and closed the glass door, locking that too. I ran as fast as I could all through the house, locking windows and closing shades. I ran into my mom's bedroom to find her sleeping. With all the noise I made running into her room, and locking her windows, she woke up, startled.

"Leah, what's going on! What are you doing!" She asked frantically. I'm sure I looked somewhat crazy.

"I did something, and I don't feel like paying the price!" I quickly screeched, my voice faltering, and breaking.

I finally locked the last window, and closed the last curtain. Tears immediately started falling down my face. My mother came over to comfort me, rubbing my shoulder and holding me in a hug.

"What did you do sweetheart?" My mom asked, worry obvious in her voice.

"Emily said nasty things, she made my temper flare. I was trying not to phase, but she wasn't helping. She was making it worse, and I sort of beat the shit out of her!" I tried to smile. I could hear the boys coming towards my house.

"LEAH ANNE CLEARWATER YOU GO APOLOGIZE THIS INSTANT! YOU WILL PAY THE CONSEQUENCES! I SWARE TO GOD LEAH! THE THINGS YOU GET YOURSELF INTO! YOU REALLY ARE DISAPOINTING US ALL!" my mom scolded me, and it reminded me of what Emily said. I was getting ticked off! Did no one care what she said to me?

"Mom wait! Don't you even care what she said to me!" I yelled, allowing some venom to seep into my voice.

"Fine.' My mom came and sat next to me on her bed, and I launched into the whole story, telling the whole truth. I know I had a part in this. I knowI shouldn't have done that too her. The weird thing is, I don't feel bad about it. She knew she was making me mad, she knew the angrier I got the more aggressive I would get, she knew that I was a werewolf, and she knew how dangerous werewolves can be ( just look at her face!).

There was a huge bang on the door, followed by someone fidgeting with the door knob on the front door.

"Leah Fucking Clearwater get your ass out here this instant! I need to Talk to you!" Sam sounded furious. Yah, well so was I! I went downstairs into the kitchen and grabbed my phone (Thank god I didn't leave it in my purse!) and called Sam's cell. I heard it ring outside, that stupid song he loves so much, I don't know what it's called. Apparently he knew it was me! Shocker right!

"What the fuck do you think you're doing you fucking bitch! She's human and you decide to play punching bag! She's at the hospital right now! Being treated by a fucking parasite! Why would you do that to her! Wy would you say all those things to her! God Leah, you are such a shallow excuse for a human being!" Sam screamed into the phone. He was pissing the fuck out of me! How dare he! He didn't even know the whole god damn story!

"Hey ass wipe! You don't even know the whole story! Did she tell you all the nasty things she said to me! How stupid is your god damn fiancée! She knows how dangerous werewolves are, hence her scars!" I knew I made Sam flinch. With that one "Yet she still decided to test me! She is a fucking whorre Sam! I was on my way out! I was leaving! I was going to the airport and I was going to fly away! You guys would never have seen me again, or heard my bitchy comments ever again! But NO! Your fucking retarded excuse for a fiancée had to go and ruin that! Why don't you get your head out of your ass Sam! Do you realize how much of a hypocrite you are? Do you know how many times a day you call me a bitch, but when the pack says something to me, you just blow it off! Do you ever realize that you ALWAYS turn things around and make them my fault! Do you realize how much I hate the fact that I was in love with you!" I left out the part about me still being in love with him "No you don't! And do you want to know why! It's because you don't care! You want me gone so bad, you can't see the rest of the world! You don't like that fact that your life isn't perfect, that you're not perfect! You think that if you could get rid of me, your life would be perfect! Your wrong! Your life isn't perfect because you choose to live in the past. So stop yelling at me for something you know nothing about! This is none of your business Sam! So butt the hell out and leave me the fuck alone. I swear to god if you tell me to shut up, or if you say anything about Emily while I get into my car, I will phase quicker than you can say Phase, and I will not hesitate to kill you! You know I can, and you know I think your whole Alpha shit is a fucking cop out! Do not test my you shallow, self-absorbed, egotistical, bastard!" I hung up the phone, not caring about his response.

I walked towards the door, not bothering to tell my mom good-bye, and unlocked all the bolts and things. I opened the door and walked out with my head held high to my car. I started the engine and took off, to forever be out of here.


	11. train station

I was at the train station, I didn't have the money to go on a plane. I was looking at the board, trying to decide where I wanted to go. I could go to Miami, I could go to Los Angeles, I could go to Chicago. So many places, just waiting for me, but I think I'm going to go to Canada. If someone asked me why, I wouldn't be able to tell them. I just feel like I need to be there for some reason. At least I'm getting out of Washington and moving on with my life. I bought my ticket and went to give my luggage to the weird looking people that put it on the train. They told me I have 30 minutes before the train starts boarding, so I think I'm going to get some coffee.

I walked around for a while, looking at all the stores, buying some candy and snacks for the train. I finally found the coffee shop, and ordered a Vanilla Mocha. I sat down at one of the tables and pulled out a magazine I just bought. I was flipping through the pages, when I smelled something really nasty, like bloodsucker nasty. I looked up, searching for it, when I saw my brother. He was running towards me, with an angry expression on his face. I grabbed my bags as quickly as possible and ran for the train. I'm sure they'll be boarding by time I get there. I ran in the wrong direction and came upon a dead end wall, and a door to an elevator. Seth was a couple meters away from me now, and he started to smile, knowing he had me trapped. The elevator door opened and I dashed inside. It closed just in time for Seth to see me wave good-bye. I let out an exasperated sigh and let myself relax a little. I got out of the elevator, and found a map to help me get to my train.

It was about 10 minutes until I found my train. I almost missed it, there were so many people in the train station. I started to walk forward but stopped in my tracks, completely in awe.

There was Seth, leaning against all my luggage with my car keys in is hands. I growled, couold nobody let me live my own life. I trudged over to Seth, and I pushed him, so he fell off of my luggage and onto the floor, then I ran. I could buy new things in Canada, I have all my necessities in my purse. My money, my makeup(OK, it's not a necessity, but it's in my purse) a couple pictures, and my cell phone. I was almost to the door when Embry put his huge body in front of the door, and I knocked right into it, and fell to the ground. I was struggling, and kicking and scratching. I was lost in rage. We passed the pile of my luggage, Quil and Seth were picking it up. I growled and screamed, and yelled, and was clawing his hands raw. I had a plan. I immediately stopped flailing and screaming. Embry looked down at me.

"Yah right Leah, not buying it! I remember you pulling this on your mom to get you to come apologize to me after you hit me with a rock when you were 7." Damn, he was right. I went back to my original plan of kicking and screaming. I but Embry's arm, and made huge gashes that were bleeding like crazy.

I'm sure I looked like a mental patient, everyone was staring. I didn't care, I just wanted to be let free.

We got to my Lexus and Quil and Seth started to put a bunch of luggage in my car. Embry still had a strong hold on me, and was sitting in the passenger seat with me on his lap. I was waiting for him to make some perverted comment, I mean this is Embry we're talking about. As if on cue, Embry moved his hands upward, and I snapped at him, but not before he got to second base. I let out a long, terrifying, frustrated growl, and I bit Embry's shoulder.

"Damn girl, you like it rough!" He laughed, and Quil came to the driver seat.

"Why the hell are you in the driver seat! This is my car! Why do you always ruin everything? Do you think that I would stop any of you from running away? I wouldn't! I would give you 20 bucks and tell you to get run over!" I pushed on Embry, but him and the seatbelt had me pinned. I wiggled, trying to break free.

"Ooh, do that again, that felt good." Embry joked. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I heard Seth sniffle in the back seat. I looked in the mirror and saw that he was trying not to cry. I recalled my last words, and realized what he got out of them.

"Seth, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry." I pleaded. Embry turned around when I did, and Quil was thinking what was making him sad.

"Whatever Leah, I don't care anymore. You don't care if I die, and nobody else cares if you die." Seth's voice was void of emotion. He turned to look out the window, while I stared dumbfounded at my baby brother.

After a while, Seth shot me a death glare, and I turned around. I sat quietly in the seat the rest of the way home, ignoring all the things Embry said when I would make a sound, or move.

We arrived at my house in record time, and I busted out of the seat. Seth trudged inside, scuffing his feet along the way. The rest of the pack appeared through the tree's, excluding Jacob, he must be getting healed. Sam looked furious, screw him. He took 4 long strides over to me. He got up in my face, he had a permanent scowl on his face. It hurt me to see him mad at me, to see him hurting over Emily. I had to fight the urge to cringe. It was so painful, no matter what I did; he would never love me again.

"What?" I whispered, I couldn't make my voice any louder.

"You know what Leah! How could you do that! First you almost get yourself killed, getting Jacob extremely hurt in the process, then you almost kill Emily, then you run away, then you claw Embry raw!" Sam yelled, he spit in my face. I lifted my hand to flick it off.

"First off Sam!" I emphasized his name "If Jacob hadn't tried o play hero, he wouldn't have gotten himself hurt, I was doing perfectly fine, thank you very much. Second, you fiancée" I put extra venom into the word, "was being a bitch, and she started it, plus she knew the angrier I got, the more she was going to get hurt, and she knew how dangerous I can be, hence the scars on her face" I made Sam flinch, and took pride in that. "Third, I was NOT running away, I was leaving, I'm allowed to have my own life outside of you losers by the way! I'm legally allowed to live in my own! I hate being a part of the pack, I'm not supposed to be a part of the pack, and I want to get away from you!" I spat the words, and he looked hurt that I hated him. He took an involuntary step back.

"Whatever Leah." Sam said it so low, I almost missed it. e walked away, and the rest of them followed.

I turned around to find Embry and Quil walking down the road to Mrs. Call's store, they were laughing and hitting each other.

"Don't forget a condom boys!" I called down the road, Quil turned around and stuck his tongue out at me. I sneered.

I trudged into the house, I would unload my car later, and sat down on the recliner across from Seth. He looked at me apologetically.

"Sorry about what I said Seth, I swear I didn't mean it towards you. I was angry, and I forgot that you were in the car at that moment." I was trying so hard to not be bitter, and say something totally bitchy.

"Thanks Leah, and I care if you die, don't worry." Seth gave a half-hearted grin, and I threw a pillow at him. "If I don't run away, will you promise me that you won't?"

I scoffed, promises don't mean anything.

"Promises don't mean anything, but I wont leave, if you will try to not be so damn optimistic." I sighed and laughed at the same time.

I heard a thud come from outside, I went to investigate, and found that Jacob was running off. I went outside, and he was already gone. I looked around, Sam and some of the other wolves were walking through the tree's (in human form!) and they looked frusturated. I looked in out mailbox and grabbed out all of the mail. I met Seth at the doorway as I came across a delicate piece of paper.

"What's up with Jacob?" Seth sounded puzzled.

I tore open the envelope to find a wedding invitation. I looked at it closer, and saw that it was for Edward and Bella. I pursed my lips. I held it up for Seth to see.

"This is what's wrong with him." I bluntly stated. Comprehension crossed Seth's face in an instant and he met my eyes. He looked sad, yet a little happy.

"Who's it for?" He asked, I laughed.

"Edward and Bella moron!" I thumped him on the head.

"No! I meant who was the invitation for? Me, you, or mom?" He rubbed the back of his head where I hit him. I looked at the torn envelop.

"You, and me and mom if we want." I huffed.

"Cool!" Seth exclaimed, all thoughts of Jacob out of his head.

"Retard" I muttered, and I walked out to my car to unload all of my stuff.


	12. Chapter 14

**So, I just read my own stories (I got bored) and I made a lot of mistakes, a friend of mine (Love you Hannah!) Keeps telling me I need a Beta, and I laugh at her, because I cannot think of a snarky comeback. I have no idea why I am boring you with this, but I feel like it, so deal with it!**

**I think I am the only person in the entire area where I live, who can name all the doctors-and their specialties, and tell you about their personal lives-on the fifth floor of the doctor place. **

**I'm like a magnet for things that can hurt me, I should have a neon sign made! My doctor was laughing at me because I was in the hospital for the third time in 3 weeks, for yet another thing wrong with me. He told me that I should just move in. Nurse Carmen told me that my immune system is bad, and I'm lucky that I'm not fighting a serious disease. She's not very fun, she's always so serious, she shouldn't be working pediatrics, or any job in the hospital that involves social interaction.**

**I LOVE MY HOTTIE DOCTOR THOUGH!!!!! HE'S 26, AND TOTALLY SINGLE!!!! THINK I HAVE A SHOT???**

**Ha ha, that's a major no!!!! But he did just break up with his girlfriend, and I will volunteer to help him through the healing process. **

**Cough cough Read Secrets and Tears cough cough!!!!**

I was in my room, listening to No Good by Kate Voegele when the phone rang. I groaned and ran downstairs to pick it up.

"Hello?" I grumbled.

"Umm…is Seth there?" Oh My God, it was that stupid Bella again, she's called like twice every day, wanting an update on Jacob. I've only answered it twice, and both times I've yelled at her. She doesn't deserve to know.

"Yep he is, but I am not going to give him the phone. You aren't going to get a chance to ruin Jacob's life again. You caused him so much pain, and you knew that, yet you couldn't stay away. You were purposefully causing him pain because he was your best friend and you didn't want to loose him. Well, your plan failed, because he ran off, he was running away from you, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll stop hurting the people around you. Stop pretending to be so innocent. Your not. Jacob running away was your fault, because you were selfish and a baby. I'm going to say this one more time, no one feels bad for you, a lot of people hate you, and the wolves, that includes Jacob, hate you right now. So suck it up, get married to your bloodsucker, and get the hell out of all our lives. Got it?" I yelled, she was so pathetic.

"OK, I'm Sorry Leah, Please let him know that." She sniffled. My god was she crying!

"My god, are you crying!" I yelled even louder "I will not let him know your sorry, because your not. I will not tell him anything for you, because you don't deserve him, and you don't deserve yet another chance to apologize and hurt him. So stop calling here, it makes you seem desperate, and it probably hurts your leech, and GET YOUR OWN LIFE!" I screamed one last time and slammed the phone down on the receiver. Embry walked in the door just then.

"What was that all about?" Embry asked, I haven't been too mean lately, I've actually been kind of nice to Embry.

"Leech Lover wont stop calling here, asking about Jacob, and _Seth!_" I said his name loudly so he could hear me up stairs, " wont stop talking to her. He thinks she made her decisions and he made his. He just has to see the fucking bright side of everything." I sighed, frustrated, and headed over to the freezer to grab a popsicle. I grabbed out an extra Fourth of July Rocket popsicle for Embry. I sat down at the counter and threw it to him.

"I never pegged you for sticking up for Jake, you guys hate each other." Embry unwrapped his popsicle and shoved it in his mouth.

"I do hate him, I just hate Bella more, and I enjoy yelling at her. Everyone hates me Embry, In case you are totally retarded and forgot this fact, I'm a bitch, and I really don't care about what I say to people." I said sarcastically.

"No I didn't forget that, it's kind of hard to forget Leah. I think Bella is a bitch, I mean, look at everything she does to Jake, and she doesn't even have to deal with repercussions, we do. She just puts Jake through all this pain, she tell him she loves him and she wishes she could be with him, but she loves the fucking parasite more-basically telling him he's second best- then they have the nerve to send him an invitation, and Edward said that if it was him, he would want the choice. No he wouldn't!" Embry paused to lick his popsicle "He wouldn't know if he wanted the opportunity or not, because he's on the other side of this situation. It's so stupid, it's all Edward fault. I mean, if he never came back, Bella would be with Jacob right now, and we would all be happy. And if the vampires never came in the first place we wouldn't even be fucking werewolves and I could have an actual girlfriend, and you wouldn't be so biter, and everything would be so much better" Embry rambled, he was out of breath, and he took a bite out of his popsicle.

"I don't know how you can do that, it always hurts my teeth if I bite it." I put my popsicle in my mouth.

"Oh God, do that again." Embry joked, he is such a pervert. I scowled then rolled my eyes.

"You know what your problem is? You and Quil are perverts, well Quil use to be, before _Claire" _I sneered her name. Emily's niece Claire had come to visit, and Quil fucking imprinted on her. No one was too happy about this, especially Emily. She said her reason was her age, but you could tell that she didn't want her niece involved with a werewolf, and she didn't like the choice being taken away from her. Emily was such a fucking hypocrite, I mean, she is marrying her best friends boyfriend. Woops, _ex-boyfriend_. I winced at the pain of those words, and Embry raised an eyebrow. I waved a hand dismissively and he went back to devouring his popsicle and getting another.

"You know what I think about that whole situation?" Embry was referring to Quil and Claire. "I think that Emily is lying when she says that it's because she's two. She knows he doesn't think about her like that, if he did, he wouldn't be alive right now. I think it's because she doesn't want her with a werewolf. She wants the werewolf world to herself. I think she doesn't want anyone to steal her limelight. Lately, she's been really mean, and refusing to cook for us. I actually resorted to eating Quils cooking, it was awful, he attempted to make spaghetti." He shuddered. Embry was waving around his popsicle as he spoke. "I think Emily is pissed that she didn't get a bigger reaction out of Sam. About the Claire thing, and about you." Embry looked thoughtful, his eyebrows meeting in the middle.

"Did I tell you that she asked him if he still loved you, and he stormed out of the house. She's been too scared o ask him, she doesn't want him to get angry….again." Embry looked up at me, confusion the dominant emotion on his face. I tried hard to suppress a giggle, but I failed miserably. I went into a paroxysm of giggles, while Embry stared at me, bewildered.

"You" Gasp "Look" Gasp "Freaking" Gasp "Hilarious" Gasp! I was working hard to get my laughing controlled. Embry looked concerned.

"What?" I asked, truly flustered.

"I'm waiting for someone to say something to set you back into bitter bitch Leah. I just don't want to be there when it happens, or be the person to make it happen." Embry said cautiously. I was speechless, I'd never seen Embry so serious. I couldn't help but laugh a little. He rolled his eyes and smiled at me.

"I'm bored." I said, changing the subject, I really didn't have anything to say. "We should get a bunch of people and go to the beach. I can say that now because people will come within a ten mile radius of me now!" I was beaming, and once again, Embry rolled his eyes at me. He went to his house to change, then came back while I was calling people. So far Quil, Paul, Collin, Brady, Claire, Emily, Sam, Jared, Kim(I don't like her after what happened at Emily's party) Kate, Kyle, Beth, Tommy, Todd, and Derek where coming. I was a little disappointed about Emily coming, but I was happy that Sam was coming. I know it's totally pathetic, but I still love him, and I'm debating if I love him enough to want him to be happy with Emily. I reported to Embry all the people that were coming, and headed upstairs to change. Embry wanted to call some people from his school.

I decided to go for the subtle slut look. I put on a black halter bikini, a red, tattered tank top, and a jean mini skirt. I went into the bathroom to do my hair. I know it's weird to do your hair before going to the beach, but it takes time to do the casual bun/twist thing with your hair. I rubbed on a little lip gloss, but not enough for you too really notice it's there, yet just enough to make my lips look good. I grabbed a pair of flip flops from beside my bed on my way to the linen closet. I grabbed an extra towel for Embry.

When I got downstairs Embry had his butt in the air over the side of the couch.

"What are you doing?" I was suppressing a huge laugh, and you could tell it in my voice.

"I'm stuck, a little help would be nice." Embry muttered into the couch cushion. I walked over to him, grabbed his shoulder and pulled. I lost my balance trying to haul all that muscle up off the couch, and I fell on top of him. Of course, people chose that moment to come in.

I was lying on top of Embry, and everyone was behind me, and 50 bucks says Paul was checking out my butt.

"Umm….sorry, we should have knocked." Kate blushed, I could tell it was her.

"We should have been more quiet." Paul let out a throaty growl. Most of the wolves have a deep, throaty, rumbling chuckle, except me. My laugh is airy and graceful, and it makes me feel weird and feminine when I hear it and realize it's coming from my mouth.

I scrambled to get off of Embry and ended up sliding down him and off the couch to the floor. I landed on my back and made a humph sound as I hit the floor. I looked up, and Embry's face was right there, I screamed.

Embry looked like he was trying not to say something, it was probably inappropriate and perverted. I jumped to my feet and got a head rush. I stumbled back and was caught by Kyle, he was shaking his head at me. I stood straight up, and walked over to Embry.

"He was stuck, and I was trying to help him up. I lost my balance trying to haul this fatty off the couch, and I fell, perverts. Now someone help me get him off my couch."

It took Sam, Quil and me to get him up. He stumbled back and fell to his butt.

"Sure, you catch Leah when she's about to fall, but it's OK if Embry falls." Embry whined.

"Yah, pretty much" I boasted, and held my hand out for him to take, this time I didn't fall.

"Are we ready to go?" Emily asked, she was wearing a blue, strapless one piece. In other words, she looked like a cheap whore.

"I think we're still waiting for Jared and Kim." I said, looking around to find out who else was missing. It was really cramped in my house. We had like 20 people, some of which who are huge werewolves.

"What's going on down here?" Seth asked, bringing me out of my mind before I got lost.

"I totally forgot about you, sorry, want to come to the beach with us?" I asked, sincerely and honestly. Seth snorted and sighed.

"Sure, be right back." Seth trumped up the stairs to get his stuff.

"Does anyone know what's going on with Jake?" Kate asked "Last time I saw him he was at the cliff with Leah."

_**Flashback**_

_I was sitting on a cliff with broken hearted Jacob, and I was irritated._

"_Jacob, do you think this is going to take too much longer?" I demanded. I was growing impatient. His teeth clenched. I knew he wanted to be alone, but I was scared he was going to do something bad. I am going to force my company on him, and make him listen._

"_Jump off a cliff Leah." He pointed to the one near his feet. I chose to ignore him._

"_Really, kid you have no idea how hard this is for me." I stated. I had sprawled myself out on the ground next to him during my sentence. _

"_For you" he said, emphasizing the you, "You have to be the most self-absorbed person alive. Leah. I'd hate to shatter the dream world you live in-the one where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand- so I won't tell you how little I care what your problem is. _Go. Away." _ So rude!!!_

"_Just look at this from my perspective for a minute, okay" I continued as if he hadn't spoke. He burst out laughing and I narrowed my eyes for a quick second. The sound hurt, it sounded painful. "Stop snorting and pay attention" I snapped .I scowled._

"_If I pretend to listen, will you leave?" He looked over at me, noticing my scowl. I really idn't have any other expression these days. He looked far away, and I could tell what he was thinking about, same thing he thinks about when I make a rude comment to someone else. He was thinking of how he use to think I was beautiful and how it was a long time ago. Now no one thinks of me that way now except for Sam. He was supposedly never going to forgive himself (seems like he has to me!) and how he thinks that he turned me into this bitter harpy, 'Like it was his fault that she'd turned into this bitter harpy' to be exact._

_My scowl heated up as he looked at me, and he realized he knew that I knew what he was thinking about. I decided to go on with my protest._

"_This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to _me_? I don't even like Bella Swan. And you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that!" I yelled. Tat seriously happened, it sickened me._

"_Do I care?"_

"_I can't stand being in your head anymore! Get over her already! She's going to _marry _that thing. He's going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy." He was getting angry, but I couldn't care less._

"_Shut _up_," he growled._

"_He'll probably just kill her anyway" I said, sneering. I took a new train of thought. "All the stories sau it happens more often than not. Maybe a funeral will be better closing than a wedding. Ha" _

_Jacob was fighting off phasing, fighting the fire rising in him, he wanted to strike back. He finally regained control and noticed me smiling as the tremors in his hand slowed._

"_If your upset about gender confusion Leah" He said, emphasizing each word. "How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes? It's bad enough Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn't need us guys panting after him too." A spasm of pain shot across my face and he looked guilty. Good, he should, that Ass hole. I scrambled to my feet and paused only to spit in his direction, then I stalked off into the tree's, trembling uncontrollably. _

_Jacob laughed darkly "You missed!" He called. I took millions of deep breaths, I was going to phase if I stopped breathing._

_I finaaly had a handle on myself, and I immediately walked home_

I was brought back to earth when Quil was snaping his fingers in my face and Sam was shaking me. I shook myself and hey backed away.

"Sorry, I guess I was lost in thought." I shrugged, and walked out the back door. They all followed and we headed to the beach.

We set up towels, and we messed around with water toys. I had been sitting on my towel, enjoying the sun when Todd and Derek bounded over to me, dripping wet.

"Come on Leah, were playing chicken and the rest of them refuse to get on anyone's shoulder but Kate, and she's on Embry's shoulders. These guys are my friends, but I don't want em on my shoulders." Derek laughed, and I giggled. Todd put his hand out for me to take, and he helped me up. I stripped down to my bikini, and I got a bunch of whistles as I made my way into the water.

Instead of getting tons of muscles, and looking like I was on steroids. I got long and lean, and I had kick ass legs. They were toned and tight, and I loved them (so did all the boys who got to see them)

I got on Derek's shoulders and I versed Kate 4 times while she was on Embry's shoulders, then we switched, and I won-naturally.

In the middle of me climbing on top of Seth's shoulders, a bunch of people showed up. They didn't look like they were from the reservation, so they must be from Forks.

They all set up on the beach, and some of them joined us. We all got along pretty well, and I was being social and somewhat friendly.

I turned around to face Embry, and drown him for telling the girl I was talking to I had herpes, I bumped into the most gorgeous guy on the entire planet.


	13. Silently Into The Night

**Sorry about the wait. I am lazy, and I had test and hw this week!!!! I tried to make this chapter extra long to make up for it. The beginning is kind of boring, but it gets better, totally promise. And just so you all know, LEAH DOD NOT IMPRINT I am going by the book until BD ends, then it's my turn to have a little fun!!!!!**

He was tall, probably around 6'8, he had an amazing build, bulging in all the right places(loll!!!) he had a glowing russet skin, not exactly a La Push tan, but some color all it's own. He had light brown, shaggy hair, and deep hazel eyes you could get lost in for hours. He had a heart shaped face, and his open mouth smile took my breath away. I smiled right back.

"Sorry" I said, a little dazed

"No problem, I'm Joey" he smiled even brighter, and was staring straight into my eyes. I felt kind of exposed.

"I'm Leah, sorry for bumping in to you, I'm trying to find a friend of mine." I giggled, yes, I just giggled. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Seth do a double take of my current situation.

"Oh, sorry, I'll let you go find him." His face dropped a little.

"I didn't mean it like that" I laughed, "I'm going to kill him when I find him, but I know where he lives, and who he cares about. I'm all good."

"Malicious. I like it." he laughed, and I got freaking butterflies in my stomach. I just met him, and he was giving me butterflies. I blushed, and he chuckled.

"If you think that's bad, I wouldn't go asking people about me." I said, shyly.

I talked to him for like another hour, and I was really liking him. I knew he was going to University of Washington, about an hour from here. I knew he was the youngest of 4, two sisters and on brother. His dad dies when he was 10(from cancer) and I was fearing I was liking him a little too much. He could be talking about different types of grass and I would find it interesting.

Embry choose that minute to try and sneak past me, unfortunately for him, I saw him, and lucky for me, he was tip toeing about 4 feet away from me (what a retard!) without breaking away from Joeys eyes, I grabbed him by the ear and yanked him back.

"o-o-w!" He whispered/talked. Enunciation the owe.

"Why would you tell people I have herpes! Three people have come up to me and asked me if it hurts. And I didn't find out what they were talking about until the third person used it in a sentence!" I turned from Embry to look at Joey, "I don't have herpes!" I smiled, then turned back to Embry with a scowl on my face. " I will make you pay Embry Call, you will pay!" I stuck my tongue out and jabbed my arm/elbow into his side. He harrumphed and rubbed his side while walking away. I turned back my attention to Joey, who was smiling, and vibrating with wispy laughter.

"Sorry, I'll understand if you want to walk away right now." I looked away, and my cheeks got rosy.

"No. It's kinda hot!" I laughed, slightly alarmed, and he amended, "Kidding." He put his hands up in defense. I just noticed the red plastic cup that was in his hand. Wow! I am way unobservant.

"What yah drinking?" I asked, he slowly shook his head in mockery, and laughed. He seemed so carefree.

"Coke, Designated driver." He said matter-of-factly.

"Very good choice. I'm a Pepsi girl myself." I put my hand over my chest.

"Well, we'll just have to change that." He had a smirk on his face.

"Really, and how do you plan to do that?" I asked, but I already knew the answer-I hope.

"I'll have to take you out and order you a coke." He said. He might as well have said DUH at the end.

"Game On."

Seth cut in, right when he was about to make a wity remark, you could tell he was disappointed he didn't get to say it.

"Hey I'm Seth. Leah's brother" Him and his stupid niceness (and timing)

"Hey, I'm Joey" They shook hands, and started talking about something that held no interest for me whatsoever. I turned and looked around. There was a girl sitting on the beach, she looked sad, and really lonely.

"I'm going to go sit on the beach for a little bit" I said over Seth broad shoulders. He nodded, and went back to his conversation.

I walked through the water, feeling kind of weird, is this was compassion feels like? I haven't felt it in ages. I sat myself down beside her, and inwardly smiled at the expression on her face. I was 6'4, tan, thin, and had amazing lags (not to toot my own horn!)

She had long, golden blonde hair. It was wavy and the front of it was pulled back with a clip. She had a button nose, and kind of thick lips. Her eyes were an ice blue, and they went perfectly with her cheekbones. She was wearing a gray strapless bikini, and had blue sandals with fake gems on them to match her towel. She didn't look very tan, but it worked in her favor.

"Hi, I'm Leah" I smiled my most fake smile, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I'm Chrissie Green" That name sounded familiar.

"Have I met you? Your name sounds familiar." I questioned.

"No, we've never met, but you've spent the past couple of hours flirting with my brother." She smiled, and laughed a little. I blushed and looked at the sand.

"Oh" I said shyly.

"Don't worry, I was flirting with your brother until some guy-who was freaking ginormous- whats up with _that_- with a little girl on his shoulder asked him to play Marco-Polo. He seemed reluctant to go, which makes me feel al little better about myself, but I've been sitting here watching other people have fun for about 3 hours. What a great time!" She flipped her thumbs up.

"Why don't you hang out with some of the people you came with, or some people from the rez. Were all really nice, albeit perverted, but still nice. Just stay away from those two." I pointed to Sam and Emily, who were floating(Emily) an stalker-ishly watching each other (Sam) She laughed.

"I would, but my brother would kill any guy who came near me-bad experience- the girls with boyfriends are annoying me, I mean come on get a room, and you have been um…talking." It all came out in a rush, and she took a deep breath in.

"The girls annoy me too! But that's probably because they all hate me." I was afraid I had said to much, but I couldn't make her un-hear things.

"Why?" she asked. She surprised me, she seemed genuinely interested in the answer, not like a gossip or anything.

"Well, I'm kind of a bitch, and I don't filter my thoughts, so whatever I think they hear. And I'm a bitch because I was in love with Sam, then he left for like a month, and when he came back was acting all strange, then my cousin slash sister slash best friend came to visit, and he dumped me because he claimed he loved her, and now there engaged, and I'm a bridesmaid." I stated. Well, it sounded like a statement.

"THAT FUCKING BITCH!" she yelled, and I clamped my hand over her mouth and looked around, everyone was staring at us.

"Shhhhhh! You're going to get one of us in trouble." I widened my eyes. I don't really know why.

"Who is she" she said through partially clenched teeth. I pointed to Emily and Sam, and she narrowed her eyes at them. "We need to get them over here, then when they say 'hey Leah' we'll look at each other, give an 'oh please' look, turn around, and walk away laughing." She seemed caught up in her own thought, so I snapped my fingers in front of her face. She zoned back in and snapped her head. "Sorry" she said sheepishly. I laughed, and she smiled. I like this girl.

"That's not a half bad idea, we should do it during the bonfire, then you can flip your hair, and I can do a revised version of that." I wiggled my eyebrows.

We started laughing and conversing (yes, conversing) We made millions of mean jokes about Sam and Emily (Petty? Yes. Fun? Yes!!) she was pretty cool. Embry came to join us for a while, then Quil and Paul challenged him to some testosterone fueled game.

It was getting dark, and the bonfire was roaring. Jared and Kim just came back with Smore stuff, and I was squishing the graham cracker over my marshmallow, and getting up to walk back over to Crissie (Embry didn't have a seat, so he stole mine, and made me sit on his lap while he was making his marshmallow) I made it over there and she was talking to someone with their back to me. I walked beside her and realized it was Joey. I smiled, and he smiled right back. I turned to Cassie and asked her if she would distract Paul for a couple of seconds. She complied and went over to talk to Paul. I laughed at his expression when he saw the blonde babe with a rockin body come talk to him. He is such an oblivious jerk, he's seen her like 6 times today.

"Why is she distracting Paul?" Joey asked, as I moved around the huge pile of logs for the bonfire.

"He drowned me in chicken earlier today, and he gave Embry the idea to tell people I have herpes. So he must be humiliated." I said, in a DUH manner.

"And what exactly do you plan to do?"

"Well, he has a huge ego, so we have to deflate it." I said.

"Ah, and how do you plan to do that?" He was questioning my sanity. I think?

"We pants him, then tie a blindfold over his eyes, and then Quil is going to help me lead him onto the truck. Then Kyle is going to drive away into the night." I whispered. He nodded. Someone waved at him, he looked at me frantically, then zoomed away. Chrissie came up behind me, and scared the shizz out of me.

"Sorry, just saw Joey go and talk to Lorraine, so I thought I would come see if I could help in your viciousness." She smiled wryly.

"Your suppose to be distracting Paul!"

"He went to his car to get something, and I said I had to go to the bathroom."

"Well, get back there, and flirt your ass off." I nudged her forward and she laughed. I looked around for Joey, and he was talking to a girl, I shrugged it off, I'm not a very jealous person when it comes to guys (with maybe a little-teensy bit of an exception when it comes to Sam!) I put my attention back on Paul for a little while, waiting for Quil to give me the OK. Someone was coming up to me, and I assumed it was Quil, so I didn't turn around. I was wrong. It was Sam. He smiled at me, and I returned it with some new smile of my own. I was so happy to see him, I hadn't talked to him all day. Then I realized he wasn't mine. Then my mind started to debate that. Being in love with someone who isn't yours…..well, it's just not worth your time, yet, I still am.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Sam asked, he started to look a little nervous, and that made me nervous.

"What?" I stumbled. All of a sudden, he made me feel like I did back in 9th grade. I was always nervous and had butterflies in my stomach when he would smile at me, or show any kind of personal interest in me.

"It's just, well, I…umm, well, you see, I umm… This is kind of a public place, can we talk somewhere a little more private.

"You have 10 minutes, and the best thing I can do is the back of Todd's truck. Take it or leave it" I sneered **(did I use that right????) **Sam nodded and motioned for me to go first.

I pulled down the door to the trunk of Todd's Chevy truck and plopped myself down. Sam cautiously sat down next to me. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I was becoming annoyed. I had revenge to make, and he was halting my plans. I had finally had enough.

"What did you want to talk to me about." I huffed.

"A little while back, Emily and I were sleeping, and I said your name in my sleep." He looked down at his hands, ashamed. "Emily was coming upstairs from getting a snack, and she heard me. She didn't wake me, but was crying when I woke up in the morning. I was alarmed, cautious, and curious as to what had happened while I was asleep. She explained to me what had happened, I had said I loved you. I had dreamt of our 2 year anniversary on the beach. She asked me if I still loved you, and I didn't know what to say. I pretended to be angry and stormed out. I was appalled that I couldn't say no. It always made sense to me when I didn't acknowledge the thoughts of doubt I had about Emily and I, it wasn't hard. But lately, I've been making comparisons between you and Emily, and I've come to the realization that I do love you, more than ever. I wish I could turn back time, or influence fate to break the imprint, or take it away all together." Sam voiced had dropped to a melodic whisper. I was speechless, I wanted to tell him I loved him, and to have his face light up. To get lost in the moment and have him kiss me like he did before all of this werewolf stuff had happened. I wanted to forget Emily, to forget the months of pain and torture he's caused me. He leaned in, and I subtly backed away.

"What do you want me to do?" I whispered, pain and struggle coating each word. "You've hurt me so much, I don't think I could ever get over it, ever get over you. But I have to try, I am still in love with you Sam, more that you will ever know, I probably always will. But you have no idea how much you hurt me. Every day I wake up, and hope that it was all an awful nightmare, and that when I go downstairs I'm going to have my mom tell me you called at 7:30 in the morning, and have Seth grumble about sleeping in, and stupid boyfriends, but he really thinks your awesome. I want so bad to wake up every morning and know that your mine, to know that I occupy a whole hell of a lot of space in your heart. When I was with you, I didn't need a prince, or a castle, or a happily ever after. I had you, and that was all I needed." I was pleading, and crying. I was opening up my heart to him, and my whole entire body was screaming for me to shut up. Just shut up, because my heart will break when he gets off this truck and goes back to Emily.

"I have wanted you to say you love me and not Emily, to say that I'm the only girl for you, and that your sorry. But instead of me scoffing and saying that's not enough, I believe you, and I say that whatever our problems, we can work them out." I sighed, and a small round of tears started to slowly slide down my face. Sam brushed them away with his thumb and cupped my chin with his hand. He turned my face upward so I was gazing into his gorgeous brown eyes. I had to look away before I got lost.

"Leah, please look at me." I lifted my eyes upward, and found his face a foot away from mine. My breathing hitched and my heart skipped a beat. "Leah, you have no idea how much I still love you, how much I've always loved you. I had to stop myself mid-sentence before I called Emily you. I wake up in the morning, and sometimes I still pick up the phone to call you, and have your mom offer me breakfast, but I decline because you would freak out when you walked downstairs, your long brown hair not brushed, you wearing no make-up, and you still have on your little shorts and crop cut topped that just covers your lady things." We laughed a little at the memory of him raping on my window at 5 in the morning, and me flipping out because I was so exposed. " I remember every moment with you, even when I can't remember what I did yesterday with Emily. When I phase, and I see that pain that I've caused you, when I feel the hurt, and my heart breaks every time I see you. I guess it's easier to pretend we were never together, and to cover it up with sarcastic comments and snide remarks. I do it too. Do you think that I would've chosen her over you if I had the choice?" I nodded slightly, not knowing if that was rhetorical or not.

"I wish for you sometimes. I remember the first time I saw you. You were wearing black boots with frayed Capri things. You had on a yellow laced top, and you looked amazing. I can tell you anything you want to know about you, and about all the times we've spent together. We were in chemistry when I said my first words to you. I stuttered." He huffed out a laugh

"I like your pencil" We both said at the same time. I turned my head away from him. It was the first words he'd said to me. He'd opened up his mouth at least six times getting ready to say something. I was waiting for him to talk to me. I had never made anyone so tongue tied before.

"If I could snap my fingers and make it all disappear I would. If I could go back to when it was you and me forever, I would do it, no second thought. I do love Emily, but the problem is I love you too."

"When I've heard your thoughts, talked to you, talked to Emily, any time you always say you love her. I asked you if you still loved me, and you said no, you said that I wasn't important anymore." I cried.

"Did you honestly believe that? I didn't want to admit to myself how much I still care about you. Or how much I still love you. I hurt you, Leah, for my own self fish reasons. And I am not proud of that. I hated myself for doing that to you. I was happy with her, but deep down I know you were hurting. It killed me. I am mad at myself for doing that to you. I wish the world was just a simple place. Than we would have been together. Did you honestly believe that I can throw four years away just like that? Did you know how hard it was for me? Do you know how hard it was for me to walk away from what feels right? Do you know how it hurt me to be away from you, to never hold you again and tell you that I love you again? Did you know how much I craved for you? Or how much I wish that the whole entire time, that none of this would happen, so I can be happy with you instead? Have you here by my side of the bed every night? I wanted that for us. But every night I am consumed with guilt because, laying next to Emily in our bed, I thought about you. I thought about your smile. I thought about your laugh. You were on my mind constantly. Sometimes every little thing we do, I think of you. I tell myself I have no right to think of you anymore, after the fact that I hurt you. I was happy with Emily, but deep down in my heart I wished I was still with you. Deep down in my heart, I wished I imprinted on you. Deep down I wished I could just be with you forever. I wanted you. I still want you. I love you. I love her too. That is the problem. I love Emily, I want her here. She belongs with me at least that what it felt like after the imprint. But then you come to my mind too. You're always on my mind. You're on my mind more than Emily. You fill up all the space. Although as painful it is too be apart from her, a girl I love as well, I can't help but to feel like I'm with the wrong girl. You see, Leah, no matter who I imprint on. No matter what, I still love you. It won't change ever, because I love you for all of a life time. I love you forever. It will never go away. We were meant to be. Imprint or no imprint.

I am completely speechless after his long speech. I looked at him. I believed him. I believed every word he said. For the first time I really don't know what to say. "Sam." I managed to get out

"I love you Lee-Lee, Always have, still do, and always will. You were my first love, and that love will always be there." I turned m head to face him, his eyes were soft, and they had tears brimming in them. My heart yearned for this man. I loved him, and he loved me.

"Emily." I stated. Not a declaration, a question, an accusation just a statement. His eyes got sharper, and he gazed out at the moonlight, perfectly hitting the water to create a luminescent glow in the sky. It was breathtaking. I was brought back to my times in high school.

FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!

_I was sitting on the sand at first beach, the sun had set just 10 minutes ago, and the moon was lighting up in the sky. It was nothing compared to the man sitting next to me. It was a cool night, and I was wearing Sam's sweatshirt. We had come to the beach to watch the sunset after we had a movie marathon at his house while his parents were gone for the night._

"_Lee?" Sam asked, propping himself up on the arm that wasn't holding my hand._

"_Yah Sam." I turned o face him, a smile spreading across my face as I looked at his face, the moon accenting it perfectly._

"_I love you." He looked at me with such love and such respect, a tear came to my eye, and fell down my cheek. This was the first time he'd told me he loved me, and my heart was racing._

"_I love you too Sam." I whispered. He leaned in and kissed me. I pulled my hand out of his and wrapped them around his neck. We broke apart, he had his heartbreaking smile. So full of hope, so full of love. He was my boy, and the realization made me so happy, another tear escaped my eye. Sam kissed it away, and I cuddled myself closer to him, basking in his warmth. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. He turned his head, and rested his cheek on my head. _

_I fell asleep in his arms, with the knowledge he would be mine forever. I loved him, and he loved me. Whatever our problems, love would help us. Whatever obstacle we had to face, he would help me through, and whatever mountain we faced, we could climb it together._

_Sigh……_

END OF FLASHBACK!!!!

I came to when Sam took my hands in his, and kissed the back of each of them.

"Sam" I said softly, knowing where this was going to go, heartbreak is easily predictable once it's happened to you over and over-and over and over and over and over- again. "You're going to go back to her" My heart was breaking with each word. "You're going to love her for as long as you can. She's going to cook Thanksgiving dinner for you and your family. You're going to be in the delivery room when your kid is being born. You're going to love her forever, and that's the way it should be." I was choking back tears, and my voice was barely audible. If I thought I was hurting before, this was 10 times worse.

Sam leaned in, and though I knew it would hurt later, I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

His lips were on mine in an instant, and I had to force my hands to stay at my side instead of winding in his hair. We were in sync. It felt so good after months of dreaming about it. His hands moved to my hips, and my resolve was quickly fading. My hands won over and knotted in his hair.

In an instant, my mind clicked, and I came down from the clouds to realize we were at a crowded beach, with Emily, and many, many people who would not be happy about this. I broke away, slightly gasping for air. My heart shattered, and I clutched my chest. Tears suddenly spilled down my face, fast and piling. Sam reached out, and I hoped off the truck and out of his reach. Started running.

"Leah!" Sam bellowed after me, but he didn't move from his spot. I ran past the bonfire, trying to be elusive while sill booking it. I had to get to the beach to grab my stuff and get Kyle to drive me home.

To my dismay, Embry and Derek noticed me, and ran after me.

"Leah." Embry spoke, concern and confusion dominating his features.

"I'm fine, I just need to find my stuff and get home." I sniffled. I brought up mt hand and wiped away a pile of tears on my cheek, only to be replaced quickly. I sniffled some more, and Derek brought me into a huge hug. I out my fists on his chest and cried some more. Embry added onto our hug, wrapping his arms around both Derek and I.

"I need to find my stuff and get home." I quickly pulled away, embarrassed at showing weakness. I dropped to the sand and grabbed my bag. It wasn't hard to spot. It was a bright shade of magenta and tangerine. I pulled on my clothes and bolted for the fastest way out of here. I walked away into the night, hearing the rocks crunch under my feet (one of my favorite sounds) silently crying and asking god my favorite question.

Why? Just Why?

**I am so proud of myself!!!!! I figured out how to work the whole Beta profile thing!!!!! GO ME!!!!!!!!! If you don't know me, then you don't know how much of an accomplishment that is!!!!!!!! LOLL!!!!!!**

**Should I make her become bitter haroy Leah again???? Or shall I wait until Jacob gets back to have him make some extremely rude comment...... OR shall I wait until Paul imprints on Rachel, making Leah pissed off????**

**Reveiw please!!!!!!!!! Or I will provoke the volturi and blame you!!!!!!**

**(hit the button!!!!!!!!!!0**


	14. Chapter 16

By the time I got home, I was crying violently. I dashed into my room and pulled open my closet, going to the very back, behind my shoe boxed and dresses I never wore. I pushed behind everything and pulled out a box. It was my Sam box. I opened it up to find all my memories, and all my pain seemed to go to the back of my mind for a second as I had a flashback ot the night Sam gave this to me.

_I woke up with a huge grin on my face. Senior year was finally over! Sam was lying beside me in my back yard, sleeping, and I was the happiest girl in the world. I looked up into the sky, the sun was setting, me and Sam had fallen asleep on the picnic blanket this afternoon. I had just graduated high school almost two days ago, and I was marveling over the college I was going to, how Sam was going to go with me, and how we were going to get a small cottage in the woods, where you think magic really does exist, and it would be our own slice of heaven._

"_Leah." Sam was behind me, wrapping his arms around me and kissing my temple._

"_Sorry, I was just thinking about the future, and what it holds." I giggled and Sam kissed me again._

"_So….I have something for you. I know it's kind of weird, but my mom, and your mom have been working on it for about a year now. I am bein forced to give it to you, I was threatened with starvation." He chuckled, and headed into the house. I stayed where I was, jumping in my seat. I love presents!_

_Sam came back out with a box in his hands, it was decorated with all sorts of beautiful lace, and ribbon, and pictures of flowers, it looked beautiful. He set the box in front of me, and kissed my cheek before I opened it._

_I gasped. Inside was a picture of my mom on her wedding day. It was an old photo, and was black and white. It was their first kiss as husband and wife. I looked back at Sam, tears in my eyes._

"_There's more." He gestured to the box, and I set the photo down gently on the grass. I started to cry even more when I found an even littler box with _Ingredients to happiness _written on the top. I opened it up to find millions of pictures of me and Sam, sand from the beach, the same exact movie stub from our first date, the bag of marbles I threw at him a month ago when I got angry at him. Every photo ever taken, every memory, anything._

"_Sam…" I choked out. I was at a loss for words, and I was crying._

"_Shh… Lee, it's OK." He encircled me in a hug, and was kissing the top of my forehead._

"_I love you Samuel Joshua Uley. Foerever and ever and always." _

"_I love you too Leah Clearwater." He laughed and pulled back. I strained my neck up, and kissed him._

_I was so much more than content, I was happy, I was floating on clouds, I was with Sam Uley, and I was Leah Clearwater._

END OF AMAZING FLASHBACK!!!!

I cried even harder as I looked through all these pictures. I was a wreck at the back of my closet, at least I didn't have to worry about anyone coming in on my emotional breakdown.

I set the box down and fished through the back of my closet some more. I found Sam's old jacket. He'd worn it almost every day. It still smelled like him. I cackled. I am so pathetic, but that's never stopped me before. I put on the jacket, and picked up the box again. I found the wedding book my mom had made. It had all of my favorite things in it. It had the picture of the perfect wedding cake, the most amazing dress I had ever seen (I found it when I was the flower girl at my Aunt Mona's wedding) Bridesmaid dresses, tuxedos, shoes, the perfect hairstyle, it even had something old, new, borrowed and blue.

I started to cry even harder as I realized I would never have any of this. I would never Mrs. Leah Uley, or Mrs. Leah anybody. I was going to end up alone. I would never die, and I would live life alone. I curled up in a ball and clutched a picture of me and Sam together. Hadn't I said, like 30 minutes ago I was healing? Either I am having a bad dream, or I am the most pathetic women on earth.

_Don't kid yourself Leah, you already know your worthless, and you already know the answer to the question._

I cackled again. Now I was hearing voices in my head. I got up again, and I went even deeper into the back of my closet. I shuffled through a million dresses of mine that I had worn when I was with Sam. I finally found the garment bag I was looking for. It was the most amazing dress I had ever seen, and it was breathtaking. I opened the bag to look at my dress. I had worn this to Sam's parents 45th wedding anniversary. It was going to be held in California, where his parents had grown up, and it was going to be fancy.

I stripped out of my clothes, and pulled out the specific bra and underwear I had worn with it, they all matched, and they were to fancy to wear with anything else. I slipped them on, and then slid the dress on over them. I rummaged through my shoes for about 10 mi nutes until I finally found the box I had been looking for. My favorite pair of shoes I had ever worn, and they were worth more than my house. Sam's mom and grandmother bought them for me, along with hair accessories, and the time and date for me to get my hair and makeup done at the salon on California, I can't remember what it was called.

I made my way back to the mirror in my closet and looked at myself. I started bawling my eyes out.

FLASHBACK BABY!!!!!!!!

_I was swirling around the dance floor with Mr. Uley (Sam's dad) to I Get a Kick out of You by Frank Sinatra. I was laughing and moving my feet. I had rehearsed this with im for the past week, along with his dance with Mrs. Uley, and her dance with Sam. I am being forced into the spotlight sometime tonight. Sam and I have to dance, he picked the song and won't tell me what it is, and it's just me and Sam. _

_I am flying on clouds tonight, I had everything a girl could ever want, and I haven't stopped smiling tonight. I look amazing, thanks to Mrs. Uley, and all the ladies at the salon. My hair is curled and crunched up near the top of my head, and little diamond clips are pinched everywhere. My make-up looks amazing, I have on light pink lipstick, with a shining over coat of lip gloss. They put on a mild amount of foundation and blush. I have fake eyelashes on, and a black eyeliner._

_The song came to a halt, and I parted with Mr. Uley and curtsied, while he bowed. I laughed, and was going to ask him if he would like o dance again._

_I felt a tap on my shoulder as The Way You Look Tonight came over the speakers. I spinned around and gasped as I took in Sam._

_He had on an amazing tux, with a silver tie and vest under the jacket. His hair was fluffed, and a little spiked, and his features were prominently shown. His chiseled jaw got sexier when he smiled. He was smiling my smile, and looking deep into my eyes with a gorgeous set of his own. He extended his hand and slightly bowed._

"_May I have this dance?" Sam asked. He took my breath away. I was so majorly in love with him, it was a little sad how much I depended on him. Seeing him tonight made all the difference. I had never seen him like this. He was always wearing sweaters or polos. _

"_You may." I giggle and placed my hand in his, he led me towards the middle of the dance floor, and it took all of my might to look away from him and around us. Everyone had cleared the floor. I almost cried as I realized he had picked this song, my all time favorite song (although I had never told anybody that, not even him) to dance with me too. _

"_You look amazing tonight Lee." He whispered in my ear, and I pecked him on the cheek with a kiss._

"_You clean up pretty well too Sam. You look pretty handsome yourself." _

"_Why thank you." His smile grew. "What do you think of this song. I know it's your favorite, and don't ask me how I know, I just do." His smile grew back into my favorite smile on him. One of love and adoration. _

"_I love you Sam, more than anything in the whole world." I gazed into his eyes, and kissed him really quick._

"_I love you too Lee-Lee. More than you will ever know. You are my everything, and I want more than anything to have you forever." His eyes were a little pleading, and completely serious. I pulled into his chest and sighed. He wanted me forever, and nothing was going to change that._

I gasped and cackled and bawled all at the same time. The tears came down harder and faster, you would think I would run out of tears. I lay crumpled on my floor at the very surreal fact that I was always going to be Leah Clearwater to everyone. I was never going to be able to let go of Sam, or pain, or heartbreak, because everyone would always know, and everyone would always see me as that poor girl.

I clutched the picture of Sam and I to my chest, and the tears never ceased. I lay as the girl with the broken smile, the girl with no back to her brick wall, the girl who would always be damaged goods.

And all of a sudden the pain started building, I started hyper-ventilating, my lungs couldn't get enough air. My heart was being contracted in on itself and pulled from the center. My stomach turned, and dry heaved. My vision started to blur, and I blacked out.

**So, this chapter really isn't important, but I needed it for future use. I will be uploading another chapter tonight or tomorrow, and I expect you to not wuse out and review both chapters.**

**I will be mad at you, and I shall call you a wuss.**

**So hit the green/gray button right around here, and I will tell it to not eat you tonight!!!!**

**P.S. In the twilight movie, did anyone else think of ice cream when Bella said "you skin is pale white and ice cold." My mind shouted ICE CREAM when she said that.**


	15. Chapter 17

**Major apologies. I got grounded from writing. I was naughty *lowers head in shame* I hope no one is loosing interest in my story, I know I take FOREVER to update. I'm sorry. I will have more time to update this summer, and they will be coming quicker…hopefully!**

I woke up, with no idea where I was, and a major migrane.

This was worse than getting smashed on shots. I groaned and tried to sit up. Fabric ruffled and I looked down. I could faintly make out the shape of my legs, and there was some sort of fabric on them. My vision was blurred, and my head was throbbing. I attempted to sit up again, and I failed. I settled for turning my head. I saw a piece of paper, and tried to examine it more closely. My head was screaming in protest as I tried to get my eyes to focus. I made out Sam, and I smiled. It all came rushing back to me, like being hit in the stomach with a wrecking ball, knocking the wind out of me.

I tried to shake my head and forget, to go back into the haze I was in a minute ago. I was alert, focused, all my senses were Werewolf times 10, which didn't help with the headache. I ot up, and realized that I still had my dress on. I sighed, and a single tear slid down my face. I am so god damn pathetic, I thought I was getting over him. I was moving on, being able to see the world without hating it, but now…..I've gone forward two spaces, and moving back 20. I feel like such a low life, I am having melt downs, and sever panic attacks because of a guy who I haven't dated in a year, and who is madly in love with his fiancé.

I groaned and tried again to get up, this time with more of an accomplishment. My legs were shaking, and they felt like needles were sticking through my legs and into my bones. My arms were uselessly pushed out in front of me, my elbows at my sides so I didn't have to use as much muscle, or put as much effort into it. I made it up, and slowly reached to take the dress off. It slinked down to my ankles, and I stepped out of it, making a clink sound that was so much quieter last night. I shakily reached down-my body trembling from the effort, and my head throbbing-and picked up the dress. My knees were about to buckle, so I dropped the dress. Immediately I fell to the floor, and put my hands out in front of me to catch me. I wrapped one arm around my stomach and gently lifted myself off the floor once more. I picked up the dress, and put it back in the garment bag.

I had a little more trouble getting the shoes off. My body was trembling, and I had to un-do the straps. My bra decided to be difficult and not un-clasp (it might have been me), but after 7 minutes of work, I got it off. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, and I was going weak in the knees. My body just needed me to sit down, but I had to get dressed first. I slid into cotton underwear and a simple white bra. I didn't plan on seeing anyone today, so I just threw on a new pair of gray sweats and a UCLA college sweat shirt. My limbs were screaming at me, so I laid down on my bed. I looked out the window, and I realized it was still dark, or dark again. I really didn't care. I Threw myself back on the bed and closed my eyes for a second, before I knew it I was in a deep sleep. Sadly, it was not a dreamless sleep like most nights.

_I was running through a maze of tall bushes, all blocking my way out, there were too many passes and too many paths too take. I was looking frantically from side to side while the moonlight was glinting off my face and shining onto the grass. I could hear the noises, and I could see they eyes lurking in the shadows. I'm running, trying to be free. I'm breathing in clips-panting. My head is screaming at me, _Run Leah! Run! DON'T STOP! DON'T LET THEM SEE! _I keep running, never finding the way out. I'm gasping for breath, but never stopping. I'm running, but from what? I can hear the approach, nut nothing comes. My legs are on fire, but I can never stop, I can never give in. I finally let go, and drop to the ground, clutching at my stomach, tears escape my eyes and flow down my face. I finally hear the thuds getting closer, and softening. I look into the shadows and find a pair of eyes staring back at me, pained, angry, and heartbroken black eyes. A sob escapes my throat, and a large sandy/gray wolf emerges from the underbrush. I Gasp as I realize it was me, and it lunges._

I woke up with a start, sweat beading on my forehead. I walk downstairs to an empty kitchen. I pull a Sunny Dee out of the fridge and grab a donut. I plop myself down on the counter, and I find a note taped to the counter.

_Dear Leah,_

_Seth and I have left for the Cullens wedding. I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful. I left lasagna in the fridge, I don't know what time we'll be back, but I hope it's soon. _

_Love you, _

_Mom._

Oh joyous me! Another night alone! I go to sit on the couch, but am stopped by yelling, it's coming from outside. I slide through the front door, and look down the road. Embry, Quil and Sam are retreating, shooting worried glanced back. I turn around, and Jacob is trembling and sobbing. He is in the middle of the road, at 11:30 at night, with his head in his palms, and his knees hovering near his chest.

I silently chastise myself as I realized that Bella's wedding was today, he must have gone. I walk slowly over to him and sit down on the ground next to him. I gently place my hand on his shoulder, and cross my legs.

"What happened?" I asked

"I went to Bella's wedding." He laughed without humor "Apparently there going on a honeymoon." I gave him a questioning gaze, but he didn't look up. Then it dawned on me, she was having a _honeymoon. _The perverted bloodsucker was going to kill her! Not that I cared about her well being, but it would kill Jacob when he kills her trying to get his needs satisfied. I knew that he was going to change her, and I hoped that Sam would see that as breaking the treaty, and I could kill the bitch myself.

"I'm sorry Jake, that must be really hard. Trust me, I know what it feels like to love someone who doesn't love you back. It leaves you empty and hurting, but you can't let the other person see that." I scoffed silently.

"Bull shit Leah." He said silently.

"Excuse me!" I almost shouted.

"I said that's bullshit. Bella actually loves me, she told me she wanted to be with me, she told me she wished it were that easy. I have no idea why she would pick _him _over me, at least I am a living person, but we all know why Sam doesn't love you. And the answer isn't imprinting." He sneered.

"Don't you dare talk tom e like that Jacob Black!" I spat. "You have no idea what the hell you are talking about, so just shut the fuck up! I was trying to be sympathetic, and maybe help youa little because, despite you egotistical little pity party, I know what it feels like to be heartbroken, but you know what, it's your fault! You don't have to constantly be seeing her, you don't have to hurt yourself over, and over, and over again! But you do it anyway, because you know that she wont pick you, but you still have a smidgen of hope that she will pick you. You are a self-loathing son of a bitch, and you don't deserve Bella. I hate her with all my heart, but I think that she deserves someone better than you. Look at you, you ruined her wedding, let me guess, you got angry and tried to phase." I didn't pause for him to speak.

"You are sitting her in your own pool of self-pity. You think that you are so god damn better than everyone else, and you think that nobody should find happiness if it doesn't happen to you first. You think Quil imprinting on Claire was disgusting, even though you know he doesn't think about her like that. Do you want to know why, because it doesn't fall under Jacob's category of "right"." I stood up and started to walk into the forest, I was shaking, and in serious danger of phasing, but Jacob wouldn't have it.

"Oh Hell No! You are not just walking away like that!" He yelled, and started off after me. "You want to talk about self-pity, and people being able to do better!" Jacob started quoting me, telling stories of difficult times in my life. Every word was a slice at my heart, and a knife in my stomach. His speech was finally coming to an end, and it was pouring rain out, I was completely soaked, but I was thankful for the rain, he couldn't see me cry. He was talking about me and Sam, all the times he told me he loved me, all the intimate times we had shared, every single piece of information he knew would hurt me. When he moved on to my dad, and how I was worthless to him, it stopped being painful, and started pissing me off. "Oh, and here's my favorite quote" He started, seeing that I was getting angry, " I didn't want to admit to myself how much I still care about you. Or how much I still love you." It was like a blow to the stomach. He had obviously seen the conversation Sam and I had at the beach. My anger had ebbed away a little…but just a little. My anger was rising within me, making my already shaking body, tremble with more force that ever imagined. I decided to play his game, hurt him like he had hurt me.

"You want to play this game with me Black!" I spat vehemently. "How about you. Remember the day that Rebecca left home, all the things she said to you, how her and Rachel were going to be so much better off without you and Billy dragging them don with you." And off I went into my own little speech. I was saving the worst for last, and I was almost there. "This is where you are really going to regret talking to me like that." I stated, smirking. His face was washed with horror, heartbreak, and pain. The same expression I'm sure was on my face minutes ago. "Remember when you were little, it was the day your mom died. You two got in a fight, you told her you hated her, and yelled at her, you made her cry. You were so angry, you stormed out of there. You decided to become like Huckelberry Finn. She was so worried about you when you hadn't come home. She started calling around, and no one had seen you. She got in her car and came looking, but what happened before she found you? She got in a car accident. You came home, because you realized you couldn't do it, but when you got there, she wasn't home. Your sisters weren't home, and your dad was sitting at the counter, tears cascading down his face. You had never seen him so broken."

"When you asked what was going on, you both rushed to the hospital. But by time you got there, she was almost dead. You tried to apologize, you tried to let her know you didn't hate her, and that you were more sorry than ever before, but she was too far gone. You and your sisters got out of there as soon as her heart monitor stopped beating rhythmically. Your dad came out seconds later, more tears sliding down his face, at an alarming rate. He whispered 'I'm sorry kids' and broke down. You all just barely made it home, you had never seen your dad so messed up, and your sisters so angry. You are the reason she is dead Jacob, and you know it. Telling yourself it isn't true, isn't going to make that any less of a fact. If she hadn't been driving around looking for you, she would probably be with you here today." I knew it hit home, because he then lifted his hand to slap me. I quickly grabbed it before it made contact with my face, and I started to squeeze, hearing his bones crack, and the following whimpers. I cackled.

"I told you, you should have listened Black." I smiled, basking in my epic glory (**A/N: sorry, I promised I would use the word epic with something other than fail.) **I turned around, walking away, still trembling. I heard Jacob phase, but didn't quicken my pace, I was not going to be scared. I heard his thumps, and I turned around just in time. He leapt at me, and I lunged, phasing mid-air.

We were locked in a death grip, battling. I had gotten in a few good kicks, and many hurtful bites. There was blood covering his left leg, and his torso. He got me pretty bad on the collarbone, and he landed a good blow to the ribs. There were snarles, and snaps echoing in the air, and Jacob and I were fighting to the point of no return. He knew I would not obey his orders, so he didn't try to use his Beta command on me. I snapped at his flanks, and got a good grip, he used his height to grip my scruff. I pulled, and he fell, pulling a chunk of hair and flesh down with him. I let out a howl, and leaped. I had successfully pinned him down, and took a chunk of ear. I sank my teeth into the skin and bone on his shoulder, pulling back slowly. I dislocated his arm/shoulder, and was about to go for his neck when he got loose. He pounced on me, but I was too quick. I rolled and tucked, but he landed his right leg into the middle of my spine. I howled out in pain, and Jacob barked a laugh. I got angry, and slid under him as quick as I could, unfortunately, he saw it coming, and took the opportunity to step on my tailbone. I whimpered, and he got ready to pounce, so he could pin me, and kill me. We had been at this for over an hour, and we were both beaten pretty badly, he was limping, and I could barely hold up my head.

He lunged, and I lifted up my leg to send him flying back. I growled, and landed my heel in the crook of his neck, he went tumbling backwards in the air. I heard a crack, and a whimper, and knew I had gotten his bone. He jumped up, snarling, and ran after me, I leaped into the air, trying to land on his back, and he jumped too. We collided with each other, and the sound was deafening. It sounded like boulder crashing together, then shattering into a million pieces.

I could hear voices coming into my head, and being alarmed at the malevolence, hatred, and rage. Everyone was seeing red, and they were trying to probe out minds for what happened. The good thing was that Jake and I were acting on pure instinct, so our thoughts didn't give us away. We were thrashing on the ground, snarling, growling and howling. I was honestly surprised no one had called the plice, or at least come to see what was going on. I grabbed a hold of Jake's neck, and I threw him into a tree about 10 yards away, the tree split in 5, and the whole ground shook. I growled an ran, but I wasn't fast enough. He rolled, and I dug my front paws into the dirt, and the back of my body swung around in the air, and laded with an audible _thump._

I could just barely hear the voices in my head, and I could barely see the wolves not even half a mile away, trying to stay out of harms way. I couldn't see anything clearly, rage blurring my vision, and focusing on Jacob. He was charging, and so I ran head first in his direction. I knocked my head into his gut, and he got hold of my rump with his paws, he yanked, and flesh came off. I could feel the sting of the dirt as my open sore hit the ground, as I went falling back. I was going to play defeat, see if I could get him to turn around. I slumped, and whimpered. He put his nose in the air, and he tried to get the fact that he won, he was pissed, and he was going o take mercy on me this once. He turned around, head held high, and retreated. I got up immediately, and darted for him.

_Boo! _I thought through all the rage, it was all consuming, and all I could think about was the kill. I wanted to rip his throat out, to watch his blood pool around him, I wanted to dismember him, slowly and painfully. I wanted to hurt him so bad that he would never heal again. I didn't care what everyone thought of me after this, I didn't care if I went to jail. I just wanted victory.

His body whipped around, just in time for me to tackle him, and pin him to the ground. He started thrashing, seeing in my head all the things I wanted to do to him, al the things I would do to him to make him suffer, and to make him feel pain. I once again sank my teeth into his shoulder, but this time, I just kept biting. He was bleeding profusely, blood gushing out from his wounds. My rage was being welcomed by my victory. I was going to win, and he was going to die. I dug my back claws into his stomach, and slowly moved them down without taking them out. His skin (fur?????) was tearing underneath my claws. He yelped, them whimpered, and settled on howling. He was so angry, so deflated of nay pride he had, so malicious, and in a lot of pain, so he couldn't get a message of help out to his pack brothers. By time they got here, it would be too late. I bit into the side of his neck, not so deep as to kill him……..yet. I retracted my teeth, and spit blood out to the side. The pack was waiting for us to give up, they knew if they tried to stop us, more people would get hurt, and hey knew this was out fight, They had no idea how wrong they were. Jacob Black was going to pay…… Right now.

I lifted my head back, and did my best job to cackle in wolf form. I looked down, and saw the terror in his eyes, it brought a wave of satisfaction, and an inkling of guilt, but I shoved it aside. I came down quickly on his neck, and bit. I was just about to tear, when the pack decided to intervene. Sam came rushing up behind me, and shoved me off. I took a huge chunk of flesh off of Jacob's skin with me. I looked at Sam with more rage than I did Jacob. He ruined it. He ruins everything. Jacb had paid….in a way, and now Sam was going to pay for his mistakes….all of them.

I jumped on him, attacking his body with my claws, teeth, and legs. I bit into his flanks, and dragged him backwards, I lifted my head, and bashed him into a tree, over and over again. The tree finally cracked, and Sam was loosing consciousness. I could hear the pack turn there attention to me. I quickly ran, and phased. I didn't stop running, I knew if I did, the blackness would get me.

I ran, and ran, and never stopped running. I didn't know where I was going, but it was somewhere other than here, and I was OK with that.


	16. Chapter 18

**Hey Guys!!!!! Sorry about the sporadic updating!!!! I'm trying to write 2 chapters at a time so it doesn't happen as often. I've had a couple of ideas floating around in my head, and my brain was getting over flowed with awesome stuff, so I started a couple new stories, and I'm stuck on how to do a summary for one of them. Go check em out!!!!!! some of them are Leah stories (she's my favorite to write about) one of them is Leah/Jacob!!!!!!! How exciting!!!!!!! I love them together!!!!! Nessie had to go and ruin their budding relationship and be all "Imprint on Me Jacob!!!!" stupid hybrid daughter!!!! Anyway……enough with my ranting. Sorry about the length of the chapter!!**

**Enjoy my pretties (and my uglies!!!! I don't discriminate!!!! Loll)**

I ended up at Forks Cemetery, with red, puffy eyes, and tears sprouting out of my eyes at an alarming rate. I was standing in front of my father grave.

_Harry Clearwater, loved husband, memorable father, joyous friend, honorable man. _Yah, I'm sure.

The night was still, the sun would rise in about an hour. The only movement came from the little creatures hat call the cemetery home. Off in the distance there was a wheelbarrow filled with bags of dirt, 3 shovels, and a hoe. The moon was shining brilliantly off in the distance, full moon was tonight, I almost laughed at the irony…almost.

I had run, I had run for hours and hours, around in so many circles and squares, and for what… to end up alone, again, to end up by myself with wounds that won't heal. If I had stayed, I would have gotten everything blamed on me, Jacob would have twisted the story, and when I tried to claim the truth, everyone would have called me a bitch, and I would hide my pain as Sam told me off. I feel so patheticly helpless, I can't help but love him. Every time he smiles, my heart skips a beat, and every time he says my name, whether in anger, or in conversation, I get butterflies in my stomach. He is a genuinely nice guy, and he has a heart as big as Montana, and I used to be in it.

How do I always end up here? I could go the easy way and blame it on Sam, I could take the cop out and blame it on the Cullen's, or I could actually analize the situation and come to the realization that maybe, just maybe, it's me.

I began to think over my life, all the mistakes, all the wounds that never healed, all the people I've hurt, all the people that have hurt me, and I got angry. I got angry at me, at Sam, at Emily, at the Cullens, at Jacob, at anybody and everybody that I could think of, but most of all, I was mad at the world, I was mad because I couldn't find anyone else to blame but myself. Maybe if I had been a beter person Sam would have imprinted on me, maybe I could have been a better person to Emily, and we could all be friends, maybe, maybe, maybe ,maybe……..I was tired of all the maybe's, I needed a yes. But I didn't have a yes, I had no's.

"You've never given me anything but no's and rejections. You've never done anything honorable for me, you've never done anything memorable as my father, you never loved me!" I shouted at the stone that was placed right in front of me, taunting me. More and more tears spilled over as I yelled, soaking and staining my shirt.

I stormed over to the wheelbarrow-wiping my tears away with my hand, only for more to take their place- and grabbed a shovel. I ran back to his grave, and stood there with the shovel in the ground. My anger was building as I thought even more, and right now, it was directed at him. The low-life father he was. I raised the shovel into the air, and the moonlight shone off of it, and it seemed likeit glinted off of it, and framed the word father. I was seriously going insane.

I wacked the grave with the shovel, consistently, over and over again, crying all along. I would scream something along the lines of 'Liar', 'heartless', 'No Good' into the night, while whacking away. Finally, I broke down, sobs erupted out of my mouth as I collapsed to the ground, the shovel dropping in front of me. I was hurting.

They hurt.

The wounds that never healed

They hurt

The wounds that nobody see's, but everyone caused

They hurt

The wounds that nobody see's, but will never heal

They hurt

And who do I have to blame?

Me.


	17. Chapter 19

**Hey, hey, hey!!!! So…..I have some new stories….and I would be SO HAPPY if you went and reviewed them!!!!! If you like Leah, then those are your stories, and even if you don't, READ THEM!!!!**

It had been almost 2 weeks since I had come home. I had tried to run off, I wanted to live in Colorado, and become a photographer, maybe be a ski bunny type person, but it didn't work. I was sitting at La Push beach, watching all the parents play with their kids, and way off in the distance, Quil was playing with Claire. I could hear Paul's laughter coming from Jacob's house. The pervert imprinted…..on Rachel Black. It was not a pretty scene. Jacob flipped out and had to be restrained before he ripped Paul's throat out. It helped a lot that he was viscous, made me seem more innocent.

I started watching a mom and her little girl. The mom was holding her little girl, and the little girl was crying. She was sad because all the other girls had daddy's that were playing with them, and she didn't have a daddy.

"My Sweet Little Angel, your daddy loved you very much, and I bet he is watching us right now from heaven. I bet he's wishing he was down here for his little baby, but he knows that you are a strong little girl, and you can get through this, you just have to believe he loves you, and wishes us all the best." The little girls sobs turned into sniffles, and the mom wrapped her in a tight hug, and kissed the top of her head.

The little girl soon recovered from her break down, and asked her mom if she would make a sand castle with her.

A tear slid down my face, and I had to get out of there. I ran across the beach, doing my best not to attract attention, but it didn't work out so well. I stopped near a little alcove of tree's and benches. My heart ached for that child. She couldn't have been more than 4, and her dad had died. Her mom made her feel better, she loved her mom with all her heart, that mom had an unconditional love that makes the world turn, and makes your smile brighten every single day.

In that moment, I wished for everything I had, that I was a mom, and I wished that Sam and I weren't werewolves, and I was carrying his child.

I was finally admitting to myself the amount of love I had for Sam. It was the kind of love that you could never get over, you could try to move on, but it would always be stored in the corner of your heart. I would never get over Sam Uley, and that realization scared me.

I was sitting on the ground, wallowing in my new found realization, when the howl came out of the distance, summoning me.

I got up, and started to undress. I quickly phased and darted into the forest.

Little did I know that this meeting would change my entire life.

**Yes, I know it wasn't that meeting exactly, but it was the start of the whole entire thing.**

**I apologize for the late update, I wrote this while I was on vacation (ROAD TRIP 2009!!!!) and I didn't have internet access. This feels weird writing the AN like I'm home! LOL!! I will stop boring you with my un-eventful life!!!!!**

**BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE!!!!! Loll, Cassidy!!!!!!**

**HIT THE BUTTON RIGHT DOWN BELOW!!!!! HIT IT!!!!!!!!!!**

**I SAID HIT IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	18. New and Improved

Hey Guys! Been a while! How are you all! SO, as some of you may have noticed….things have changed for this story…. I am currently re-writing. It has the same name, same story line, but I added some things. I will still have the majority of my chapters from this story in my other one, but I'm just adding a few new ones in between them. It would mean so much to me if I could get some feedback from you guys. Let me know what chapters you want me to keep in there, what you want me to do for some new chapters!

So go to my profile and read the first few chapters I have posted! It would mean a lot. I want t say thank you to all those people who have reviewed on this story, and followed me along.

Bananna18, Thanks for your super nice comments They definitely are awesome You are one of my favorite authors too I hope to keep reading what you have to say

MrsBlaCKwIfe, Thank you also You reviewed every single chapter, and kept me writing them all You supported me! Thank you and I hope to see your reviews on my other story.

ari11990, you followed me through every chapter and I really appreciate it I hope to keep getting your reviews, and I will keep updating like you tell me too

luv4ed, my goodness! I loved your reviews! You helped me keep my story in line, and I really appreciated you speaking your mind. I needed them every once in a while, it was nice to hear your ideas. I hope to read them on the other story, and hopefully get your approval

LoveIt123, I liked your comment The little things you said, and every time you told me you loved it, I had to smile I hope to keep getting your comments.

Thank You all SOOOO much! And to everyone else who reviewed, I completely appreciate each and every one of them. I also enjoy replying to them, I can't say thank you enough.

Once again, the story is under the same name, same pen name, everything, you just have to go to my profile and go to the bottom then click on it


End file.
